Editorial policy: revised

To: Team members
From: The Management
Re: Editorial policy


T-bloggers,

I received the following letter of complaint from one of our faithful customers:

***QUOTE***

Dear Mr. Hays,

Those people at Triablogue seem to be the Jim Jordan type who get much [sic.] of their ideas from trolling atheist blogs, then write dissertation rebuttals that take hours to read.

Sincerely,

Stardust 1954

***END-QUOTE***

In order to better serve our nullifidian customers in the blogosphere, I am initiating the following revisions in our editorial policy:

1.Stop treating “freethinkers” as though they were intellectuals. This is cruel and unusual punishment. It makes their heads hurt.

2.Pictures are always better than words. Fawns. Kittens. Teddy bears.

3.If you must use words, remember that “freethinkers” are used to a controlled vocabulary of about seven four-letter words, endlessly repeated in various combinations.

In future, avoid big words. Use no words longer than one or two syllables.

In emergency situations you are permitted to use a three-syllable word, but only if you define it with other monosyllables.

4.Avoid all Latin and Greek derivatives.

5.Avoid all dependent clauses.

6.Write short sentences of the “See Spot run” variety.

7.Avoid writing “dissertations” that overtax the attention span of our “free thinking” customers.

If their little heads were to go pop from information overload, that would leave Triablogue legally and financially liable for all medical expenses.

8.Be sparing in the use of plural conjugations. Remember that the average atheist learned about conjugations from watching the Playboy channel.

9.Someone should explain to the little darlings that Blogger has a nifty device called a “site meter.” This means we don’t have go trolling for atheistic blogs. They come to us.

10.When in doubt, consult the Barbara Streisand Manual of English Composition & Spelling.