Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Sean is for suckers

Part of successful living is learning how to cope with disappointment. It would seem that a certain nullifidian weblog doesn’t hold Triablogue in the highest esteem.

So I guess that my cobelligerents and I will have to muddle through life without the approval of Sean and his fellow dubitantes over at http://gods4suckers.net/

But permit me to say that since I’m not a polytheist, I quite agree that gods are for suckers. Unlike a Hindu or Mormon, I don’t believe in gods.

Sean likes to swear a lot. I understand.

Most men swear some of the time, but when you swear all of the time, it’s for two or three related reasons. First, it shows how unhappy you are. Just spend a little time browsing gods4suckers and see what a bunch of sad sacks these are. Angry at the world for who knows what.

So the subtext is: Hey, we’re a gang of miserable unbelievers. Come and join the club so that you, too, can be a miserable unbeliever just like us!

Another reason for swearing is that swearing is a form of verbal intimidation, like a Chihuahua which bristles in the presence of an Irish wolfhound to make itself look twice as big as it really is.

The 90-pound weakling swears more often than the linebacker to compensate for his lack of heft.

Sean swears all the time to impress us with what a brave and tough little boy he is.

Yet another reason for swearing all the time is to bluff your way through an argument when the facts are against you. If you can’t make your case using reason and evidence, you yell a lot and stamp your feet. Bluster is the coinage of a losing debater. What you lack in brain matter you make up for in bluster.

Sean begins by attacking Ryan McReynolds. Now it just so happens that Ryan has been involved in campus ministry for a dozen years or so. So Ryan has a vast amount of hands-on experience talking to unbelievers. And doing so in a climate-controlled environment which is officially and militantly hostile to Christianity.

The idea that if only Ryan knew a homosexual or two, he’d know better than to say what he does, is pretty absurd.

I also notice that Sean substitutes personal anecdotes for scientific data.

Next, Sean turns his squirt gun on me:

“What?? How is killing your wife the same as being allowed to do something about an unwanted pregnancy”

The answer is self-explanatory. Whether you kill your wife or you kill your baby, it’s homicide all the same.

And what about an “unwanted” pregnancy? If woman don’t want to get pregnant, why are they having sex? And sex without the pill? Don’t they know where babies come from? The stork?

Sean must have a very low opinion of the female I.Q.

I guess it’s okay to be a male chauvinist pig as long as you’re an atheist.

And suppose it is unwanted. So what?

You notice that an awful lot of unbelievers seem to feel threatened by the Christian majority.

Well, if it’s okay to kill the unwanted, should the Christian majority apply that philosophy to the irreligious minorities among us?

“— especially if that pregnancy could lead to seriously f**** up your own life and the life of the (eventual) child?”

This is, indeed, a traditional motive for murder. If so-andso is allowed to live, he’ll seriously cramp my lifestyle. He’ll ruin my career. So I have the right to get him out of my way.

Children are demanding. Children are expensive. Children are inconvenient. Child rearing is an all-consuming job.

The world would be so much simpler without any children. Think of all the leisure time we’d have.

For this reason, unbelievers often have fewer children than believers. Indeed, they’re becoming increasingly childless.

Humanism is beginning to resemble a celibate cult—minus the celibacy—such as the Shakers.

Of course, the problem with not having kids is that your movement doesn’t survive beyond the first generation.

Humanism is demographically doomed.

Sean is also of the opinion that women should be spared the consequences of their lifestyle choices. How very paternalistic! Treat women like children who don’t know what they’re doing and can’t be held responsible for their choices.

I guess it’s okay to be a male chauvinist pig as long as you’re an atheist.

“A husband does not have to carry his wife in his belly for 9 months and raise her and feed her.”

Yes, feeding people is such a confounded nuisance. Life would be so much simpler if we stopped feeding people. All those millions and billions of mouths to feed.

Just think of all the precious time that farmers and ranchers and grocers and restaurateurs waste on feeding people.

What a pity that Sean’s mom carried him in the womb for 9 months. A real bummer.

What a pity his parents wasted good time and money feeding him and clothing him and putting a roof over his head.

Think of all the trips they could have taken to Vegas had they not spent it on this insatiable piece of protoplasm.

Hey, I have an idea; why don’t all the unbelievers protest by going on a worldwide hunger strike.

“Whether or not she is a deformed product of incestuous rape.”

How does incestuous rape result in fetal deformity?

Suppose we ban abortion except in cases of incestuous rape.

Would Sean support such a law?

“He in fact, in many cases, can abandon her most anytime he wants, regardless of whether she can fend for herself when he is gone.”

Once upon a time we had a solution for that: the shotgun wedding.

“A woman cannot abandon her child after it has come to term. She must deal with it in some way. And don’t give me the adoption angle, folks… When Catholic charities themselves are halting adoptions, theists have little righteousness to tout.”

Since I’m not Catholic, that’s not my department. But why should we put it all on Catholic charities? They’re doing more than their fair share as it is.

“Okay. This pissed me off on a personal level.”

So Sean is the center of the universe.

“One of my first girlfriends, when she was a teenager, actually carried a baby to term.”

“Actually carried a baby to term”? How unnatural!

You mean to tell me that there are still dark and backward corners of the world where women carry a baby to term. We need to put a stop to this barbaric practice before it gets out of hand.

BTW, how did his girlfriend get pregnant?

At the risk of interjecting a momentary dose of candor into the discussion, abortion is the get-out-of-jail-free card for promiscuous men. It isn’t for the benefit of the mother, but the father.

Childrearing is what separates the men from the boys. Any sexually mature male can father a child, but raising the kid is the true rite-of-passage.

Abortion is for arrested adolescents like Bill Clinton. They never need to come of age.

What is more, spouting boilerplate feminism about a “woman’s right to choose” is a great way to get a girl laid, isn’t it? It proves what a sensitive guy you are. How much you respect a woman. A great pick-up line.

Get her laid, then throw her away. Use and discard. Or sweep and vacuum out after each usage. Have your girlfriend serviced on a regular basis, like taking out the garbage.

“And put it up for adoption completely without the knowledge of her parents (wore loose sweaters, saw the doctor clandestinely, etc. — a remarkable feat). Why? Because if they had found out about it, she would have been disowned for having premarital sex. Disowned, as a teenager. Her parents were that hardcore Xian.”

To begin with, fear of parental disapprove helps to keep a lot of adolescents out of trouble.

In addition, and this is typical of the liberal mindset, anyone is more trustworthy than the parent. Parents can fail, but the social worker cannot. Parents can fail, but the school counselor cannot. Parents can fail, but the abortionist cannot. Parents can fail, but a judge cannot. You can always trust a stranger, but never a parent.

“She did what she did because she didn’t want to have an abortion.”

Good for her. His girlfriend had more of a conscience than he had.

Pity the dad didn’t step up to the plate and do the honorable thing as well.

“Mainly because she thought it was a sin.”

She was right.

“It was a nightmare ordeal from start to finish and years later she was permanently haunted by what may have become of that child, who almost certainly, thanks to where it came from, ended up in a pretty s**** life, if not an orphanage until adulthood.”

Yes, sin has tragic consequences. That’s why it’s a sin.

Of course, if the boyfriend had done right by the mother of his child, adoption would have been unnecessary.

Notice how Sean uses one sin to excuse another sin. Justification by sin.

“My ex”

Speaking of which, the sin of divorce—resulting in broken homes.

“In those later years (she was in her mid-20s), said she would have had an abortion early on, and saved herself much misery,”

Yes, doing the right thing sometimes entails a measure of personal hardship. Therefore, we should never do the right thing if it would cost us anything. And we should never help someone else to do the right thing by offering to share the burden.

Humanism is so humanitarian, you know.

“If she had known that such a thing was even an option. And she would not be haunted by the memory of what became of the fully developed child that she handed to a stranger and saw carried away from her forever.”

Of course, it didn’t have to be handed over to a stranger, now did it?

“You want to talk about a lack of choice and what it does to people’s lives? There you are. Where is that kid today? Lying in a gutter somewhere? Hey Steve the Righteous from Triablogue: you wanna go help him out with a sandwich for me please? You bastard.”

Isn’t moral blindness a thing to behold? I’m not the one who goes around impregnating women, only to abandon the mother and child to a life in the gutter.

I’m faithful to my domestic duties. What about you?

Shouldn’t the boyfriend be the first in line to help out with a sandwich?

Oh, but that would, like, you know…totally f**** up Sean’s lifestyle.

For overgrown adolescents like Sean, someone else should always pick up the tab. Don’t pay your own way in life. Be a freeloader. Leave it to the Nanny-state to clean up after you.

“I suggest that these Xian fundies take a gander at the movie The Magdalene Sisters… It will give them an idea of the woman-hating society they are trying to force upon us.”

What about the woman-hating society that these secular Fundies are forcing women into? It’s the secular Fundies who slap a C-note on palm of young mother and then palm her off on the abortionist, while they go off cruising for another girl to impregnate and then toss aside in the nearest dumpster.

6 comments:

  1. What an excellent entry, Steve! I absolutely love the satire.

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  2. Well done, Steve.

    Swearing might also serve as an index for one's pubertal age:

    Says Don Miller of _Blue Like Jazz_ fame: "Cusswords are pure ecstasy when you are twelve, buzzing in the mouth like a battery on the tongue."

    Joel

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  3. Do you know why Catholic Charities is halting adoptions? It's because the Commonwealth of Massachusetts won't allow them to "discriminate against homosexual couples" by refusing to place children with them.

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  4. Feminism leads to a terribly low view of women.

    Humanism leads to a terribly low view of humans.

    Once, when arguing with a humanist about the concerns of abortion, he made the statement, "Oh, and like you never kill a bug!" (comparing human life to that of a cockroach). When he made that statement, I really wanted to squash him like a bug!

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  5. I normally don't chime in on blogs, but being a pro-life Reformed Baptist Pastor, I had to take some time to do so per Steve's entry.

    I stand outside an abortion clinic 3 Saturday mornings a month to evangelize those entering the abortuary (Doctor and Nurses included).

    For almost 2 years now, I have watched over and over again, young women ~ 18-25 years of age go into the abortuary to murder their own children. I have been threatened, assaulted, and cursed at as I've merely stood and quoted Bible passages and offered abortion alternative literature as well as pro-life resources for the mothers. I can tell you from first-hand experience, that people are *literally* lining-up to kill their own children, all in the name of privacy, convenience, economic happiness, and for the blessed maintenance of the "mental health" of the mother . . . some of which Steve has already mentioned.

    However, I've watched young women, young men, and grandmothers become broken simply from hearing the quoted Scriptures. I've watched them leave the clinics, lost in their sin, yet broken over it. In those situations can only hope a seed was planted. I pray God will raise up other Reformed brethren who will take up their cross and follow Christ in defending the unborn from the vicious machine of secular humanism.

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  6. Yo, Dusman. Give me a buzz sometime when you get a chance. Still got my #?

    Jimbo21

    ReplyDelete