People for the ethical treatment of bobbleheads

As any freewill theist will tell you, libertarian freedom is a prerequisite of moral responsibility. Or, to turn this around, if you have libertarian freedom, that makes you a moral agent.

This debate is usually confined to human freedom, but the time is long past due to rectify a grave miscarriage of justice to other much-neglected moral agents. Take bobbleheads. As anyone can see, bobbleheads are moral agents. After all, bobbleheads can either bob up or down, right or left. So they enjoy the freedom to do otherwise. Access to alternate possibilities.

Of course, you always have theological fatalists who contrive ingenuous excuses to deny the empirical evidence that bobbleheads are moral agents. Needless to say, any God who’d violate the freewill of bobbleheads is a moral monster. Worse than Satan.

Unfortunately, the callous attitude of theological fatalists has led to the cruel treatment of countless innocent bobbleheads. It’s common to see bobbleheads left alone on the dashboard of a car with no recreational activities to help them pass the time. Common to see bobbleheads locked in a car with the windows rolled up, no air-conditioning, on a hot summer day, while callous humans play volleyball on the beach.

Common to see underdressed bobbleheads (with nothing more than a grass skirt and a lae) left in the driveway overnight on a snowy December day in Michigan, Minnesota, or Buffalo New York.

This is why we at PETB (People for the Ethical Treatment of Bobbleheads) are working in conjunction with the UN Commission on Nonhuman Rights to draft a convention outlining the civil liberties of bobbleheads.