Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Just Because Arminians Will Take This Seriously...

Inasmuch as it has become apparent that style trumps substance in the eyes of the world Arminians who hate us with such passion, I offer evidence that the cold-blooded Triabloggers could, if need be, surrender substance for the sake of style. Thus I extend my hand toward all who were ever offended by anything I ever said by showing you this picture again:

Yes, you evil, hypocritical pseudo-Christian scum bags who have nothing better to do than denigrate Triabloggers—I love you. How much do I love you? Imagine someone who loves you as much as I do. I love you more than that, you spiteful rash-prone troglodytes.

True, it is mainly because I am such a better Christian than you that I can love someone as lowly as you are and keep this discussion so irenic; surely, all must be impressed with my awesome display of Christ’s infinite love. For, as a Calvinist, I would not be above burning you at the stake for the simple reason that you are a heretic causing harm to God’s people, but instead I find myself full of warm fuzzy feelings and cannot but admit that I love obnoxious fools who kick against the goads. Almost against my will do I love thee.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that not every single Arminian is a backstabbing strumpet posing her wares on the side of the road like the wild donkeys of old; some are high class debutants fully capable of earning a livable wage plying their trade. But they are admittedly few and far between—a natural psychological response to those who would succumb to the doctrines of Arminius is a lack of temperance in such urges.

Despite all that, nary a day goes by when I do not wake and thank God He has enabled me to love such as these. For truly, I do not think I would know how to act in public were it not for their constant barrage of meaningless ad hominem disguised as a concern that others not be offended. It is astonishing how far out of the way people will travel in order to ensure they’ve been slighted by the most trivial comment. Indeed, it is obvious they have no need for a savior; their indignation at perceived slight is so righteous it merits salvation for them!

However, none of them has ever posted an I-love-you bear like I have. My love is manifestly evident to all whereas all they can do is claim to love others. This is the most loving post they’ve ever read, and a real Christian would hang his head in shame that he didn’t think of it first.

P.S. I love you, Arminians.


  1. BTW, BSman can consider this my 2 Samuel 12:7 moment. (No tu quoques please.)

  2. I feel so warm inside. Wait! Is that moisture in my eyes or is someone cutting onions?

  3. So...how do you feel about Wesleyans?

    (can of worms, I cast thee open!)

  4. To the Honorable Birch:

    I feel your love. Now feel mine!

    To the Majestic Quad:

    Wesleyan--half-brother to the Arminian, also known as the Half-Blood Prince.

    John Wesley wasn't that bad. He still retained some virtue by having the same first name as Lord Kalvon.

    But Charles. He must bear the full brunt of my love.

  5. Wow Peter. You're so awesome. You've confirmed what we all thought.

  6. So you're saying I've confirmed nothing?

  7. Yes, we'll let you keep thinking that.

  8. And here I was breathlessly hoping for your permission.

  9. Yes please by all means leave the thinking to others. Maybe someday you can actively engage in the argument? Or should we expect more silly little playground taunts? Is that because maybe just maybe you don't have any real arguments? Or if you do then you realize they don't stand up to any sort of critical scrutiny? Then you retreat and act defensive as if you are above it all? (by the way you aren't a democrat are you? Don't answer that!)

  10. MDC,

    If anyone here argued anything I'd have actual arguments against them. Why don't you introduce an argument and we'll see what happens?

  11. Oh that's it alright. No one has put forth any arguments in any of the interactions you have had with anyone on this site. Oh if only they would present something you could get your hooks into. I think the posts and comments have come to nothing but satire and silliness because they are just plain fed up with waiting for you to actually engage in anything instead of the silly retreating tactics you keep presenting. The level of critical thinking here is quite high. And it's perfectly ok to admit that one may not be up to the task or be able to think in this manner. It really is. No one will fault you for that. But to keep beating up a straw man over and over and then claiming "I won" is not worth anyone's time here.Why don't you spend as much timne as I have reading all the posts (since 2005) and make note of how many times the t bloggers have taken on real opponents of the faith, not just slightly misguided arminians who feel they have to "defend" God based on some silly sentimental notion of love and tradition. And who refuse to admit with any sort of humility that they have much to learn and that there will always be much to learn!

  12. MDC,

    1st let's hope you're not a sockpuppet.

    2nd I haven't claimed to have won anything as there has been no contest to win.

    Why don't you spend as much timne as I have reading all the posts (since 2005) and make note of how many times the t bloggers have taken on real opponents of the faith

    3rd Because I'm not going to waste that much time reading through that many years of posts.

    not just slightly misguided arminians who feel they have to "defend" God based on some silly sentimental notion of love and tradition.

    Right, because none of them have reached that conclusion due to Biblical exegesis.

    Again, introduce an argument that you think just totally rips Arminianism to shreds. Please.

  13. Ah my mistake. I don't know how I could have faulted you what with your attitude. Such humility and willingness to learn or study. You know, people who are following this are not fooled. They really are seeing what is happening. The only one who refuses to see appears to be you. I'm afraid I can't help you. There truly is nothing more to say.