Yes, you evil, hypocritical pseudo-Christian scum bags who have nothing better to do than denigrate Triabloggers—I love you. How much do I love you? Imagine someone who loves you as much as I do. I love you more than that, you spiteful rash-prone troglodytes.
True, it is mainly because I am such a better Christian than you that I can love someone as lowly as you are and keep this discussion so irenic; surely, all must be impressed with my awesome display of Christ’s infinite love. For, as a Calvinist, I would not be above burning you at the stake for the simple reason that you are a heretic causing harm to God’s people, but instead I find myself full of warm fuzzy feelings and cannot but admit that I love obnoxious fools who kick against the goads. Almost against my will do I love thee.
Now I’ll be the first to admit that not every single Arminian is a backstabbing strumpet posing her wares on the side of the road like the wild donkeys of old; some are high class debutants fully capable of earning a livable wage plying their trade. But they are admittedly few and far between—a natural psychological response to those who would succumb to the doctrines of Arminius is a lack of temperance in such urges.
Despite all that, nary a day goes by when I do not wake and thank God He has enabled me to love such as these. For truly, I do not think I would know how to act in public were it not for their constant barrage of meaningless ad hominem disguised as a concern that others not be offended. It is astonishing how far out of the way people will travel in order to ensure they’ve been slighted by the most trivial comment. Indeed, it is obvious they have no need for a savior; their indignation at perceived slight is so righteous it merits salvation for them!
However, none of them has ever posted an I-love-you bear like I have. My love is manifestly evident to all whereas all they can do is claim to love others. This is the most loving post they’ve ever read, and a real Christian would hang his head in shame that he didn’t think of it first.
P.S. I love you, Arminians.