Increasingly, there are couples who have cats and dogs instead of kids. That's not because one partner is infertile, or because they are postponing kids until they achieve financial security. Instead, they never intend to have kids, even though they are physically and financially able to start a family.
I can't help thinking to myself that this is a way of never having to grow up emotionally or psychologically. Raising kids is a maturing experience in a way that having dogs is not. Kids are demanding and challenging in a way that dogs are not.
But beyond that, I wonder if what motivates some of them is the subliminal or in some case conscious denial of their mortality. Having kids reminds you of your own mortality. To some extent, having kids is a way of reliving your childhood. You do with them or for them what your parents did with you or for you. You see them doing what you used to do at that age. They get into the same arguments with you that you had with your own parents.
Due to family resemblance, you can literally see a part of yourself in your kids. A reminder of what you looked like at that age. If fact, they reach the age you were when you had them.
Take a father who played football in junior high or high school. Now he's in the bleachers, watching his son. He swells with pride. Yet there's a twinge of wistful recollection. Time is passing him by. That was you, just twenty years ago. That's now forever behind you.
It's like training your replacement. You must move out before they can move up.
You see the lifecycle repeating itself. You're just one car-length of ahead of your kids, and your parents (if they're still alive) are just one car-length ahead of you–approaching the dark tunnel of death.
From a secular standpoint, that's unnerving. Having dogs and cats doesn't remind you of your long-lost youth the way raising kids does. You were never a puppy or a kitten. So you don't see the grim reaper gaining on you in the rearview mirror by having pets.
It's understandable if godless couples avoid that depressing, fearful prospect by substituting pets for kids.
Steve- I appreciate your perspective on this. However, I know of couples, some christian, that would make the opposite argument. For instance:
ReplyDelete"I can't help thinking to myself that this is a way of never having to grow up emotionally or psychologically."
The argument could be made that those that have children never really grow up emotionally or psychologically. Rather, they live vicariously through the lives of their children and refuse to come to grips with the fact that they are growing old. Instead, they may re-live their childhood by watching the same movies (Star Wars, Spider-man, Batman) with their children, playing the same video games, etc. that they did when they were children.
Whereas those without children realize that "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." Many Christian parents that I see could tell you more about Transformers and Marvel characters than they could about the Babylonian exile.
"But beyond that, I wonder if what motivates some of them is the subliminal or in some case conscious denial of their mortality. Having kids reminds you of your own mortality."
A counter argument could be made that those with children could actuality deny their mortality. After all, if they are re-living their lives through their children, then they never really grow old. When we interact and play with children, we continue to feel young, as we attempt to relate to children on their level. We do the same things with them that we did in our youth, so we feel like children again.
In addition, those with pets may actually understand their own mortality more acutely as they see them die due to the fact that they live shorter lives. Whereas in the case of those with only children, death oftentimes is not at the forefront of one's thinking due to the fact that children are so vivacious.
In summary, I don't deny that there may be people that decide not to have children for the reasons you mentioned. However, and I'm sure you would agree, that is not always the case.
The death of a pet isn't comparable to the death of a friend, parent, or sibling.
DeleteSome parents may have kids with the intention of reliving their own childhood, but the responsibilities of parenthood are maturing despite their intentions. Raising children makes incessant demands that being a carefree child does not.