Saturday, July 22, 2006

A Free Fly's Worship

'Tis ridiculous and outrageous to say my life is futile and absurd. The view from the windshield may be a bit messy, but that doesn’t mean my insectile existence is worthless.

I am quite glad that I don't live in a universe wherein some other Being gets to decide my fate, that I am not a vessel fitted for destruction (or grace), but a bug whose fate is decided by the advancing windshield of time.

My life may come to an end on the bespattered surface of a windshield, but I have a legacy to pass on to my larvae, who are a just few laps behind me as they, too, shall meet their inexorable rendezvous with a moving sheet of glass.

It makes a big difference whether I’m a goody-goody insect on the windshield, or a verminous insect on the windshield. It makes a big difference, I say!

Just because my life’s work will go kersplat on a windshield doesn’t mean I my life and labor are valueless. I can use my allotted time for good or weevil.

It’s my philinsectile duty to my fellow flies and skeeters to destroy the pestilent creed of life beyond the windshield, and replace it with a bug’s-eye worldview.

“A Free Fly's Worship,” by Bugsy McRussell.

4 comments:

  1. Captian Morgan7/22/2006 7:43 PM

    Steve,

    What?!?! Was that supposed to be insulting or something?

    I'd have you know that your post was disanalogous. You see, insects cannot write!

    You're so backwards Steve. You're so unscientific.

    I may be a nothin', but at least I'm not an unscientific nothin'!

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  2. Hello Steve,

    My name is Wendar and I'm the official spokesthing for all Beings United by the Grave, or, B.U.G..

    We've long had hurt feelings due to the uncaring remarks by humans like Danny. People step on slugs, ants, snails and spiders, all without a care in the world. But we sting one of their kids, watch out!, it's the big shoe for you.

    We here at B.U.G. are dedicated to speading the word that we are all equally worthless. You know what humans feel when an ant gets stepped on? Nothing. Well, that's how the universe feels when humans are murdered or killed tragically.

    We're all united by the grave. There all beings are equal. There, everything becomes worm feed. No one cares about a bugs life (except for the condescending movies like Ants and A Bug's Life), and no one cares about human's life.

    So, we here at B.U.G. would like to honor Steve as an honorary beetle, the highest award we give our species. We thank you for pointing out that all life is nothing. No one cares about us. There's really no difference bettwen a slug and a man. We hope your work will bring many to understand that humans are worthless. They have no meaning or value. We wish they would stop pretending as if they do, it's sad really.

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  3. I'll try my best not to let the honorific title go to my head.

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  4. Ima B. Leever7/23/2006 11:26 AM

    This is Pastor Ima B. Leever of the Church of the Blessed Maggot, and I just want to say that this blasphemous screed written by the heretic Bugsy McRussell does not represent the views of the vast majority of god fearing insects.

    If we could catch Bugsy, we would "purify" under the giant magnifying glass, for spreading his apostate lies. In the meantime, we will simply pray for his wretched soul.

    We god fearing bugs know that the universe was all specially created just for us, and that we are created in the image of the one true, triune god; LARVWH, his son, Maggot of Nazareth, and the Holy Buzzing Sound.

    We know our god created the first Queen, Eve, out of the rotting flesh of mammals, in a special place called the Garbage Dump of Eden. She then created a male “helpdrone” out of a part of her mandible, so that males could do all the boring, grunt work, while we queens could relax in comfort, and think deep philosophical and theological thoughts and preach the "good news".

    In the magical Garbage Dump of Eden, there was only one rule, don’t eat from the pile of dung of “good and evil” in the middle. And in the magical Garbage Dump, no bugs ever died, and no bugs ate each other, and everything was wonderful.

    But then one day, a talking anteater convinced one of the gullible male drones to eat from the pile of dung of “good and evil”. This made LARVWH very angry, so he cast us out of the Dump, and he brought death onto us bugs, and created windshields and birds and bats and the Orkin man so that we would suffer.

    But later, LARVWH felt bad for us, so he sent his son, the Maggot of Nazareth, who was squashed on a windshield for our sins, so we bugs could be forgiven by god, and so we will have eternal life.

    So now you know the TRUTH!

    ReplyDelete