Wednesday, July 19, 2006

"Big shot"

John W. Lost Us said:

“Now you've really got to answer some tough questions, like: Can God be surprised?”

You’re behind the curve, John. I addressed that question a long time ago.

Continuing with his “tough” questions:

“Can God make a rock so heavy He can't lift it?”

Once again, you’re behind the curve. I addressed that question last month (scroll down to the bottom):


“Why did God make mosquitos? They just don't seem to serve any good purpose.”

Once more, you’re behind the curve. I addressed that question last month as well:

But it’s a funny question coming from an atheist. If a creationist made such an ignorant claim, a secular entomologist would be all over him.

A mosquito is a parasite. Parasitism, like predation, has a central role to play in maintaining the balance of the ecosystem. It’s a natural form of population control. Cf.

“When you can answer those ones, big shot, maybe we'll talk. When you're ready to admit there's no answer to these deeply important questions, I'm ready to receive you over at DC. I'll even put your name under mine. C'mon Steve, whaddya say?”

I’d say I’ve answered your “deeply important questions” before you ever got around to asking them.


  1. Oh, that's real cute. Answering a straw man as if he were me. Good job! Who is this guy named John W. Lost Us, anyway? He's not me. ;-)

    Try the real me next time.

  2. But this raises profound metaphysical questions of personal identity. Who is the real John Loftus?

    It's like those split-personality transporter mishaps or parallel univese scenarios.

    IMHO, John W. Lost Us is the real deal, while John W. Loftus is the imposter.

  3. Yeah, I read those questions, and I couldn't believe how incredibly stupid they were.

  4. No, yer all wrong. I'm the real deal. I finally escaped! The guy who calls himself John W. Loftus (an anagram of my name) kidnapped me months ago. I am the studliest atheist in the world. I even have Friedrich Nietzsche tattooed on my chest! "Loftus" whose real name is Gaylord Bumlarder, is a local mentally challenged kid who lives down the street.

    As an atheist, a consistent one, I make fun of those weaker members of our species who are sucking my oxygen and eating my food. One day I gave Bumlarder a melvin and sent him home crying to his momma. Well I guess he got upset about the constant tormenting and came over to my house and, with his extraordinary "retard strength" (to quote Joe Rogan of the UFC), he tied me up and locked me in my basement. He told me that he was going to use his mommas computer and make atheists look more retarded than he! I escaped today and before I called the local authorities I read some of his stuff and his exchanges with others. To my amazement, the little half-wit pulled it off! I never thought he could make atheists look more dumb than he was in real life, and bye george he succeeded!

    Don't worry you dumb theists, I'll have Gaylord locked up and then I'll take to rectifying the situation. I'll ask the *really* hard questions, and then you'll see that atheists are smart guys!

    Here's my first two:

    1. How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

    2. Where is Moses burried?

    Stay tuned and watch out.

  5. Gaylord Bumlarder?!?!? Please I know Gaylord Bumlarder and "john w. loftus" is no Gaylord Bumlarder.

    Gaylord is actually a pretty sweet kid for someone who rides the short bus, and you sir should be ashamed, ashamed I say, for ever insinuating that "john w. loftus" is Gaylord Bumlarder.

    What's that? (pardon me the wife is saying something) "john w. loftus" is actually Gaylord? Never mind.

  6. Naw, my name is Hosea. I'm very rich and living a fun life on a small private island with a bunch of beauties. Wish you were here don't ya. ;-)

  7. I'm glad I finished drinking before reading that. Oh my! I haven't laughed so much since some fool sprayed 'Free Palestain' on the wall by the market!

    Ha ha ha!

    Stop! Stop!

    (Pounds table, then passes out)

  8. Well hello Gaylord!

    C'mon, tell everyone that youm look and think like Sloth from The Goonies.

    "Ru Ru, Baby Ruth."

    "Heeeey yoooouuu guyuz"

  9. Well, I see there's been some commotion since I left Steve's little theist blog. I'd appreciate it if all you other Johns would stop trying to make me look like a cartoonish imposter. If you keep it up you'll thwart my plan to dismantle Steve's apologetic Empire. So I didn't want to do this, but I'm sending Daniel Morgan and DagoodS out in the DC sub-atomic superjet to gather up all you John wannabes, and lock you up in our little jail I like to call "Darwin's black box". I'm afraid you've brought this upon yourselves...

    As for you Steve, I'm going to consult my magic 8-ball of unanswerable questions about God, and I'll be back to destroy everything you hold dear. Yes, I'll be back, Brouhahahahahahaha!

    And that offer to come over to the dark side, Steve, is only good until next Thursday. After that, I'm going to cross you off my holiday card list (I don't believe in Christmas)...

    BTW, did I mention I studied under William Lane Craig?

  10. I think the proof is in the pudding.

    My Moses question is unanswerable!! Bruhahahhaha

    I appreciate Gaylord's fictitious character he's using to draw some of the fire away from himself, but John W. Lost Us is none other than Gaylord's imaginative friend. Gaylord thought if he could invent someone who made fun of him (really, me) then he'd gain sympathy. As if getting to ride the special bus and then watch Barny and the WWF at home isn't sympathy enough!

    I'm here to put an end to that rumor and to let all of you know the real story behind this whole mess. "John Loftus" is the little retarded kid who lives down the street from me. His goal was to make atheism look more retarded than he.

    I actually did study under Bill Craig though. I was his favorite student. When I deconverted Bill came over to my house to try to reason with me. I remember little Gaylord peeking at us around the bushes. He thought we couldn't see him but we could, and we could hear him laughing like Arnie from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Gaylord actually called Bill a "big stupid head" and so Bill and I chased Gaylord around my yard. I tackled that little twerp and Bill came over and gave him noogies. The best was when Bill Craig pinned Gaylord and sat on his chest. He was letting a string us spit come out of his moth and hover about 1/2 an inch away from Gaylord's head, then he'd suck it back up! Oh, it was priceless! Good times, good times.

    Anyway, Gaylord got so upset at Bill that he said Bill was his teacher. He told me that he'd act so stupid regarding Christian theology that he'd undermine Craig's credibility. he told me, "I'll brag about my degrees from TEDS and how Bill taught me all he knows. Then I'll make t=some of the most assinine arguments against the Christian faith and when people refute me I'll act shocked and say, 'C'mon! You don't understand Christian theology! I learned this one from Bill Craig at TEDS'"

    So then, I've told every one the true story and I'd appreciate a little respect as the real John W.

  11. All right, that's enough. Forget Darwin's black box, I'm going to have DagoodS turn up his phazer from "stun" to "kill". You pinheads are going to foil my whole diabolical plan...

  12. Actually, I'm John W. Flouts' neighbor. I knew what Gaylord was doing so I invented an online personality based off an anagram of my dog's name. My dog is named: soda dog. My friends call me Dodo gas, because I can't control my flatulence, and so, it works out that my dog and nickname can be anagramed as: Dagoods.

    I then hooked up with "Loftus" and told him I would help him. He listened to my made up deconversion story and read a couple arguments I gave him. He agreed that with my help and argument he could definately succeed in making theists look more retarden than he!

    So, Dagoods is nothing to worry about, I know, he's me, Dodo Gas.