Sunday, October 07, 2012

Satan spotted!

 Sidney, Australia (AP)

 

In response to confirmed sightings of Satan off the coast of Southern Australia, a crack team of devil-busters, led by Bob Larson, Dan Phillips, Joseph Prince, and Gabriele Amorth were dispatched to the area to bind Old Horney in the name of Jesus, Mary, and St. Xantippa.

Hal Lindsey cited the news as photographic evidence that Satan is alive and well on planet earth. Lindsey proceeded to I.D. the Seadragon as the marine Beast in Rev 13. “What could be more obvious?” he exclaimed.

For his part, Alan Kurschner, founder and director of Eschatos Ministries, said such reports decisively refute preterism. “After all,” as he explained, in a wide-ranging interview conducted from the sprawling campus of Jesus Bible Institute, “if preterism is true, then the dragon was confined the bottomless pit in 70 AD.”

10 comments:

  1. Wow that is quite and assortment of people you're poking with that stick. But why Dan Phillips? Oh wait I remember it was this: http://bibchr.blogspot.com/2006/11/twenty-five-stupid-reasons-for-dissing.html wasn't it?

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    1. Surely you're not suggesting something incongruous about associating Dan Phillips with Bob Larson, Joseph Prince, and Gabriele Amorth?

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  2. This is empirical proof for Steve to become a premiller!

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    1. Well, according to O. P. Robertson, the Leafy seadragon (Phycodurus eques) is a "spiritual" dragon. And as Greg Beale has documented, the seadragon is really an inaugural, microcosmic type of the eschatological macrocosmic draconian temple.

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  3. You know steve, you have brought up the binding of satan issue this year more than once. I am beginning to think you are a closet premiller.

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    1. But is the closet locked from the inside or the outside?

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  4. The inside, but I will slip the key underneath the door so you can come out :)

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  5. How in the world did I get on that list? WHY, Steve? WHYYYYYYY?

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    1. Incongruity is the mother of comedy.

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  6. [Triablogue: Speaking of you-know-what, here's an example of it that I bumped into on the informative net.]

    Pretrib Rapture Pride

    by Bruce Rockwell

    Pretrib rapture promoters like Thomas Ice give the impression they know more than the early Church Fathers, the Reformers, the greatest Greek New Testament scholars including those who produced the KJV Bible, the founders of their favorite Bible schools, and even their own mentors!
    Ice's mentor, Dallas Sem. president John Walvoord, couldn't find anyone holding to pretrib before 1830 - and Walvoord called John Darby and his Brethren followers "the early pretribulationists" (RQ, pp. 160-62). Ice belittles Walvoord and claims that several pre-1830 persons, including "Pseudo-Ephraem" and a "Rev. Morgan Edwards," taught a pretrib rapture. Even though the first one viewed Antichrist's arrival as the only "imminent" event, Ice (and Grant Jeffrey) audaciously claim he expected an "imminent" pretrib rapture! And Ice (and John Bray) have covered up Edwards' historicism which made a pretrib rapture impossible! Google historian Dave MacPherson's "Deceiving and Being Deceived" for documentation on these and similar historical distortions.
    The same pretrib defenders, when combing ancient books, deviously read "pretrib" into phrases like "before Armageddon," "before the final conflagration," and "escape all these things"!
    BTW, the KJV translators' other writings found in London's famed British Library (where MacPherson has researched) don't have even a hint of pretrib rapturism. Is it possible that Ice etc. have found pretrib "proof" in the KJV that its translators never found?
    Pretrib merchandisers like Ice claim that nothing is better pretrib proof than Rev. 3:10. They also cover up "Famous Rapture Watchers" (on Google) which shows how the greatest Greek NT scholars of all time interpreted it.
    Pretrib didn't flourish in America much before the 1909 Scofield Bible which has pretribby "explanatory notes" in its margins. Not seen in the margins was jailed forger Scofield's criminal record throughout his life that David Lutzweiler has documented in his recent book "The Praise of Folly" which is available online.
    Biola University's doctrinal statement says Christ's return is "premillennial" and "before the Tribulation." Although universities stand for "academic freedom," Biola has added these narrow, restrictive phrases - non-essentials the founders purposely didn't include in their original doctrinal statement when Biola was just a small Bible institute! And other Christian schools have also belittled their founders.
    Ice, BTW, has a "Ph.D" issued by a tiny Texas school that wasn't authorized to issue degrees! Ice now says that he's working on another "Ph.D" via the University of Wales in Britain. For light on the degrees of Ice's scholarliness, Google "Bogus degree scandal prompts calls to wind up University of Wales," "Thomas Ice (Bloopers)," "be careful in polemics - Peripatetic Learning," and "Walvoord Melts Ice." Also Google "Thomas Ice (Hired Gun)" - featured by media luminary Joe Ortiz on his Jan. 30, 2013 "End Times Passover" blog.
    Other fascinating Google articles include "The Unoriginal John Darby," "X-raying Margaret," "Edward Irving in Unnerving," "Pretrib Rapture Politics," "Pretrib Rapture Secrets," "Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty," "Pretrib Hypocrisy," "Pretrib Rapture Secrecy," and "Roots of Warlike Christian Zionism" - most from the author of "The Rapture Plot," the most accurate documentation on pretrib rapture history.
    Can anyone guess who the last proud pretrib rapture holdout will be?

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