I’ve just discovered a secret weapon to defeat the forces of godlessness.
Atheists recruited to be part of a lawsuit that is trying to rid government ceremonies such as the inauguration of a president of any invocation or other prayer have claimed they are made physically ill by prayer.
"As I watched the inauguration, my stomach did a somersault with disgust for how much our country was violating the constitution (sic), the most important document in our country," wrote a 15-year-old in testimony being given to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia.
"All the prayers made me feel excluded from the political process and a second-class citizen," wrote another. "But, when Chief Justice Roberts asked the president to say, 'So help me God,' I felt threatened and sick to my stomach."
The next step is for card-carrying members of the religious right to form roving prayer posses. Prayer posses will be stationed within earshot of strategic locations like the White House, Supreme Court, Capitol Hill, Harvard Yard, Berkeley, San Francisco, Sacramento, Hollywood, the UN, ACLU, CNN, NEA, New York Times, and so forth–to incapacitate godless liberals from promoting and implementing their godless policies. The sound of prayer will cause all godless liberals to double over in pain.
Prayers will also be uploaded onto iPods, and FedExed to members of the President’s Cabinet as well as members of the House Democratic Caucus.
In addition, subliminal prayers will be encoded in TV commercials, rock music, and AOL email–using backmasking and 25th frame effect.
As liberal paralysis spreads up and down the East Coast and the Left Coast, Taliban Republicans will be prepositioned to seize the reins of power and impose a Christian theocracy on the nation.
Surfer dudes will be required to dress like Mormon missionaries while Valley Girls will be required to dress like characters in Little House on the Prairie. Public school students shall be given remedial English courses in the King James Bible.