[Josh S, channeling Michael Spencer] “In addition to having no idea how much thinking goes on among BHT fellows…”
It’s a well-kept secret.
“Mr. Hays clearly doesn’t know much about the drinking habits of the patrons of this establishment.”
Of course, this betrays the real reason that Josh squandered his patrimony for the fleshpots of Augsburg.
It’s little missteps atop the slippery slope that make the fatal descent unstoppable. Such as substituting Demon Rum for grape juice in the Lord’s Supper.
Having caved into his baser instincts, Josh had a choice. Mormonism would indulge his low, carnal appetites, but it frowns on firewater. Catholicism would accommodate his hankering for hooch and cussin' a blue streak, but it suffers from too many sexual hang-ups. (Well, at least on paper. In practice...)
It was in the bacchanalian revelries of Lutheran Scholasticism that our young debauchee found the perfect compromise.
I have a friend who works undercover infiltrating Black Masses. He once wore a wire to a Lutheran worship service. You wouldn’t believe what he caught on tape. Organ music. Hymns of human invention. A choir in the background. It’s enough to make Bonnie Prince Charlie roll over in his grave!
And things went bad to worse when Josh became ensnared in the lubricious tentacles of the BHT.
But there’s still time for Josh to reform his wastrel ways and return to the truth faith once delivered. As a covenant child, we remain confident that our backslidden brother will reverse course before he tumbles headlong into the bowels of perdition.
Come, back, Josh. Mother PCA will welcome you back into the fold. All you have to do is pray three John Pipers, reconsecrate your life to the Auchensaugh Renovation, and make an annual pilgrimage to the tomb of Robert Louis Dabney.
Come out from among the BHT and be ye separate!
“I would say pray for him, but that would make baby Jesus cry.”
This is proof positive that Lutherans are heretics. As every well catechized Christian should know, the little Lord Jesus no crying he makes.