The Bridges Breach

To: The Executive Committee
From: The Management
Re: Security breach

I just intercepted the following communication:

“And by the way, the I-Monk and I have a relatively calm relationship. We don't always agree, but when we do, I appreciate it. He and I came up through SBTS and SEBTS at around the same time and witnessed some of the same shenanigans, so we have some common ground.”

I’ve convened an emergency meeting of the Executive Committee to deal with the crisis.

As you can see, one of our most trusted, long-standing members has been fraternizing with the dark side. Like a double agent in a John Le Carre novel. I suppose they offered him more money.

The question is how we contain this security breach and minimize the long-term damage to the syndicate.

It’s too late to pull Gene’s security clearance. He already knows where all the bodies are buried.

(Yes, I know—in hindsight it may have been a bit too obvious for me to co-opt my grandma’s flower garden. But it did do wonders for her geraniums.)

If we expel him from the blog, he might turn states evidence. Hold a sensational news conference.

Normally, we might consider the concrete galoshes option. Unfortunately, N. Carolina is in the midst of drought, so the usual method (i.e. depositing a troublemaker in the trunk of his car, then easing the vehicle into a pond) is probably impractical at the moment.

And, what with the rising price of gasoline, it wouldn’t be cost-effective to drive him out of state to try the concrete galoshes option elsewhere.

One could attempt to counter blackmail with blackmail. There’s the low-budget solution. Something along the lines of a sleazy motel room, an exotic dancer, and a hidden camera.