Uncle Davey's Preowned Lemons

Need a new (or not so new) set of wheels? Want to get the most bang for your buck?

Come into Uncle Davey’s dealership, right here in beautiful downtown Detroit where we can fix you up with a fixer-upper.

Now, I know that used car salesmen have a bad reputation, but let’s get something straight: I’m not a used car salesmen. I only sell preowned cars, not used cars.

That’s right—imagine driving out of the lot today in a certified, preowned vehicle. If you don’t believe me, just look at the certificate yourself. Yep, that’s my signature, all right.

Don’t take my word for it—it’s right there in black and white. Every preowned car comes with a self-certificate self-certifying its preownership.

I’d never hawk any merchandise that hasn’t been properly road-tested. Every lemon on my lot has been road-tested by at least 5 previous owners. And if you’re prepared to pay a little extra, I’ll even fix you up with a vehicle that’s been road-tested by at least 10 previous owners—like that 1953 Buick La Salle in the back lot.

Trustworthy is my middle name. If you don’t believe it, just ask me. Or my wife. She works at the return desk down the hall.

Every car I sell comes with a self-warranty—good for 1 year, 20,000 miles, or the distance between the car lot and public arterial—whichever comes first.

If you’re not completely satisfied with your new preowned car, just go to the return desk where my lovely wife will accept a trade-in in exchange for 50 credits towards another preowned lemon—or a miracle water hot tub.

And because we care about return customers and customer satisfaction, my dealership has its own garage to service your preowned lemon. If something goes wrong with your car (like a missing transmission) before the warranty expires, bring it back and my second cousin Bubba, who has a degree in grand theft auto...I mean…auto mechanics, from an accredited institution of higher learning (I think he said it was some place called Sing Sing), will fix it free of charge.