Tuesday, February 19, 2008

William Lane Craig Would Endorse This Book

Don’t miss your chance to own what could be the most important book since Joe Holman wrote something! That’s right, our very own…well, me…has written a book called Public Transit, and unlike some other authors I could mention who have tried to steal publicity from

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

, I am not a former student of

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

In fact

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

has not even read my book or else it would have been endorsed by

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

.

The book that

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

has not yet read is available at Amazon.com for a limited time (limited because you cannot go backwards in time to get it last year—you are limited to now and future dates, but probably not forever then either because at some point the universe will end).

Public Transit has been described by critics as a “book.” One reader (not

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

) said, “Peter Pike has written a very sarcastic book and also refers to himself in the third person when writing reviews.”

Public Transit is an irreverent social commentary that deals with such issues as the Vietnam War (“It was about white Republicans forcing African Americans into a godforsaken jungle so that they would die, and thus avoid the Civil Rights movement. It’s exactly like what Shrub is doing in Iraq today” (p. 79)), animal rights (“[I]nstead of fetal pigs, they’d use real human fetuses so they wouldn’t have to worry about the ethics of dissections any longer” (p. 41)), politics (“A bullet in the Bush is worth two in the hand” (p. 76)), and the philosophy of time (“That had all been six hours ago” (p. 156)). Most notable (

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

would notice if he were writing this review), the entire book contains only four (4) semicolons!

Public Transit is available now for only $12.94.

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

And what’s more, after you’re done with the book it will continue to serve a useful purpose in your life (unlike Joel Osteen). Use it to prop up that crooked table leg, as a handy door stop during hurricane season, or to trade for Pokémon cards with your neighbor's kids! (Also makes a great parting gift for when Mormons visit!)

WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

13 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. I should note that my book will be a bestseller. It is currently ranked 878th in Novels That Use The Word "Pubococcygeus"!!! Take that, Loftus!

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  4. Thank you for your kind words, Bernabe. They remind me of a passage from the book:
    ---
    It was only fitting and proper, Emily thought, that Justin be complimented on the tone of his voice and the way his words clipped so beautifully and slipped off his tongue like...like prisms of alabaster, or whatever, that sparkled with the luminescent adverbial structure of ten thousand headlights to her ears.
    ---

    L. Ron could have learned a lot from me.

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  5. Kalam will *cause* this book to be a hit!

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  6. Mathetes, that's gotta be one of the most horrific jokes I've ever read.

    YOU RAWK!!!!

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  7. Peter, you're such a shill! You've turned the Triablogue Temple into a den of thieves, nice going.

    I also like how you use Loftus as an excuse for your misbehavior, by implying he's worse. I thought Christians were too honestly introspective for this. I'm beginning to have serious doubts about your salvation. Perhaps you should examine yourself to see if you are truly elect (even seemingly elect people can turn out to be reprobates (Heb 6, Heb 10)). We wouldn't want that to catch you off guard, would we?

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  8. Someone with too many consonants and not enough vowels said:
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    Peter, you're such a shill!
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    Thank you!

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    You've turned the Triablogue Temple into a den of thieves, nice going.
    ---

    I prefer to think of it more as a living room of bandits.

    ---
    I also like how you use Loftus as an excuse for your misbehavior, by implying he's worse.
    ---

    In no way do I imply Loftus is ever worse than me. I say it explicitly.

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    I thought Christians were too honestly introspective for this.
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    What is "this" that you refer to? And in what way have I been dishonest?

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    I'm beginning to have serious doubts about your salvation.
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    I have no doubts about your damnation.

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    Perhaps you should examine yourself to see if you are truly elect (even seemingly elect people can turn out to be reprobates (Heb 6, Heb 10)).
    ---

    Perhaps you should take your own advice seeing as how salvation is not by non-posting of satire alone.

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    We wouldn't want that to catch you off guard, would we?
    ---

    As if you could.

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  9. Now that I'm done laughing, my intro: me Damsel. You on crack.

    LOVE IT. I'm calling WILLIAM LANE CRAIG up right now...

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  10. Tried to link you up to my post, but I don't see it.

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  11. The links do sometimes take a while to come up. It looks like it's there now though.

    BTW, feel free to tell WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!! if you want :-) I don't know him personally at all, of course. This was just my spoof of John W. (stands for "WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!") Loftus's oft repeated claim that we should read his book because he's a former student of WILLIAM LANE CRAIG!!!!

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  12. You know, Peter, this kind of thing only serves to make Loftus even more powerful. He's said so himself.

    This could really come back to bite us...

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  13. ---
    You know, Peter, this kind of thing only serves to make Loftus even more powerful.
    ---

    One can only hope that's true. That way, some day his awesome flurry of punches will actually have some "oomph" to them instead of just creating a breeze.

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