TO: The Politburo
FROM: The Grand Mufti
RE: "Will I Lose My TR Card Over This Post?"
Tonight, T-bloggers will convene an emergency meeting of the Politburo to revise the protocols under which we issue TR cards, in order to stem the rising tide of TR identity-theft.
1. Honorary TR cards.
Cardholder will be entitled to attend TR sponsored events (e.g., the biennial auto-da-fe) when accompanied by a duly authorized TR-chaperon.
2. TR cards with annual expiration dates, subject to annual renewal.
Applicant must recite (from memory) the Solemn League & Covenant while standing on one hand.
3. TR discount card.
Cardhold will be entitled to free admission to TR sponsored events after buying 10 copies of Hoeksema's Triple Knowledge, five copies of Knox's First Blast of the Trumpet Against the Monstrous Regiment of Women, and 15 jumbo bags of Cheetos.
4. Frequent Fryer card.
Applicant will be issued Frequent Fryer card after he burning 5 Remonstrants at the stake. (In case Remonstrants are out of stock, substitute Molinists.)
5. TR debit card.
Cardholder will be entitled to charge all goods and services to the Treasury of Demerit.
Cardholder will be entitled to free admission to TR sponsored events after smashing 4 organs, 3 Rose windows, 2 Lady chapels, and 1 crucifix. Don't leave home without it.
7. Junior TR card.
Covenant children will be issued Junior TR card after casting their Barbie dolls, GI Joe action-figures, and other idolatrous, damnable, papistical fripperies, into the bonfire of the vanities.
N. B. Ann Coulter action-figure exempt.