Marriage made in heaven

I see that a Reformed dating service has been making the rounds of the blogosphere. But when, out of curiosity, I went there, I was a tad disappointed.

For one thing, it had a little icon where you can “browse” women.

I’m not quite sure what this has to do with a Reformed theology, per se. I mean, isn’t that why ecumenically-minded young guys go the beach?

And like every other commercial dating service, you have to join to fill out their questionnaire.

So, for the benefit of all you Reformed bachelors out there, I thought I’d make available a sample questionnaire that you can copy/paste to your personal webpage to snag that special someone.

1.Where were you born?

In the state of Sin.

2.Where do you currently reside?

In the state of Grace

3.What’s your financial status?

Wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked (Rev 3:17).

4.What’s your medical status?

Vile and full of sin.

5.Height?

My neck is like the tower of David (Cant. 4:4).

6. Weight?

My soul delighteth itself in fatness (Isa 55:2).

7.Do you smoke?

Only when I’m incensed.

8.What’s the highest level of education you’ve attained?

The anointing (1 Jn 2:20).

9.What’s your personality-type?

Type-A Puritan (dour, morbidly introspective naval-gazer).

10.What’s a type-B Puritan like?

Dour, morbidly introspective naval-gazer

11.What’s your favorite attire?

Filthy rags.

12.What do you do for fun?

Read Foxe’s Book of Martyrs.

13.What’s your favorite music?

The Psalms of David, accompanied by the Royal Pitch-Pipe Orchestra of the Outer Hebrides.

14.How many times have you never had premarital sex?

10-20 times.

15.What are you looking for in a woman?

A nice plain Puritan girl.

16.Would you ever consider dating an infralapsarian?

Only if she came from a very good family.