Tuesday, July 14, 2015

"Hearts, not parts"

Many people who oppose Biblical sexual norms think homosexuality, "polyamory," &c. are all about "love." There are even "hearts, not parts" t-shirts and hoodies. People who think and talk like this are such babes in the woods when it comes to secular sexuality. They have this very romantic notion of alternate sexual lifestyles. Let's compare that with a dose of reality:

I have several girlfriends who want to be choked (by hand or, yes, for some even by penetration) and do anal and be slapped around (some even, to be treated with extreme verbal abuse as well). They enjoy it immensely. And by immensely, I mean a lot.

And they have partners who will satisfy them in these respects. One of whom is not me. I am very uncomfortable with all but mild choking and maybe some spanking, and anal isn’t on the top of my interests (though I am happy to participate in it with girlfriends who love it and ask for it, not because I enjoy the thing itself, but because I enjoy their enjoyment).

Why can’t men treat women that way? That’s the problem. Not that there are men who might want certain kinds of violence in their sex. Any more than the fact that there are women who do is a problem. It’s not a problem of any kind. And whether men (or women) discover this desire from porn is wholly irrelevant. Porn cannot magically create desires in you. It can only give you information, which may allow you to think outside of the normal cultural box you’ve been shoved in, and thus realize desires you already had. And by the way, that normal culture that boxes us in sexually is actually far more controlling and limited than exposure to porn will ever be.

I’ll just give one example to illustrate this, too: I once saw a porn scene depicting a fantasized gangrape. But unusually (especially as this was from a major, mainstream porn production company, and not some indy thing), the scene was preceded by the actress reading a letter from a fan about the possibility and talking in camera to the viewers about how this was actually a fantasy of hers, too, that she wanted to explore in the safe environment of a staged production, and the result was the scene about to be shown. (I should add that I know several women personally who also enjoy rape fantasies. They are safe because they are fantasies; they are not wishes that it really happen, but only that it might be fun to roleplay. Which means rape porn is not intrinsically bad. It depends on how it’s contextualized.)


  1. Um.....wow....
    So he says porn doesn't control our change our fantasies and yet through evidence concedes the point that it does?

    1. Consistency is not Carrier's strong point.

  2. His mother must be very proud of him.