Since it's obvious that Christians are in a losing battle on the culture wars, I decided to get on the right side of history by joining the dark side. It's the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" philosophy.
If I wait until we lose, I won't have any bargaining chips. So last night I joined the law firm of Wolfram & Hart.
Although the blood is barely dry on my pact, I'm thrilled talk about my new job. I'll be a defense attorney for drug lords, embezzlers, serial killers, &c. I'll be using a version of the insanity defense which I call the Dr. Strangelove defense. It's based on xenomelia or "foreign limb syndrome" (i.e. the non-acceptance of one or more of one's own extremities). It's analogous to gender dysphoria.
You see, the Boston Strangler was a good guy trapped inside the body of a serial killer. Those weren't his hands. Those hands were total strangers to him. He's not responsible for what those hands did.