Sunday, April 05, 2015

The new Jim Crow

After Orthodox rabbis, evangelical pastors, Christian businessmen, and Jewish delicatesseneurs refused to participate in queer weddings, Democrats moved to reinstate Jim Crow laws. After all, it was Democrats who enacted Jim Crow laws in the first place, so that had impeccable ideological precedent. These included the followed laws and signage: 

Reserved for white liberal passengers

Christians of color served in rear

It shall be unlawful for a black Christian to drink from a liberal whites-only fountain.

It shall be unlawful for an orthodox Jew to swim in a liberal whites-only pool.

All persons licensed to conduct a restaurant shall serve either white liberals exclusively or Christians of color exclusively and shall not sell to the two groups within the same room.
It shall be unlawful to bury, or allow to be buried, any Christians of color upon ground set apart or used for the burial of white liberals.
It shall be unlawful for Christians of color to frequent any park owned or maintained by the city for the benefit, use and enjoyment of white liberals.
Any liberal white women who shall suffer or permit herself to be got with child by a Latino Christian or Chinese Christian shall be sentenced to a reeducation camp. 

No person or corporation shall require any liberal white doctor or nurse to work in wards or rooms in hospitals, either public or private, in which Orthodox rabbis are patients.
There shall be maintained by the governing authorities of every hospital maintained by the state for treatment of white liberal and Christian patients separate entrances for white liberal and Christian patients and visitors.
Any Christian instructor caught teaching in any public or private school, college or institution where members of the liberal white establishment are enrolled shall be deemed guilty of a felony, and upon summary conviction thereof, shall be fired, have their teaching certificate withdrawn, and their property confiscated.
Any person who shall be guilty of printing, publishing or circulating printed, typewritten or written matter urging or presenting for public acceptance or general information, arguments or suggestions in favor of social equality between Christians, Jews, and white liberals shall be sentenced to the gulag. 
Any landlord who shall rent any part of any such building to an observant Jew or Christian when such building is already in whole or in part in occupancy by a white liberal person or white liberal alternative family shall be guilty of a felony and on summary conviction thereof shall be sentenced to the gulag.
All observant Jews shall be required to wear a star of David. All evangelicals shall be required to wear a star of Bethlehem.
The Bible shall be banned as hate speech.

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