Monday, April 16, 2007

Public Service Announcement

Do you have a problem following rational discourse? Does the length of philosophical words make you long for your mother’s basement again? Are you afraid of the Triabloguers?

The new Irrationality Department of the acclaimed Institute of Thought is now accepting applications for the summer semester! Learn how to become a fearless debater who is unafraid to stand up to the likes of Paul Manata by courageously rejecting rationality altogether.

In our courses, you will learn how to avoid such charges as:

1) Question Begging. “I wasn’t asking a question, I was making statements.”
2) Non Sequitur. “I like that comic too.”

And:

3) Circular Reasoning. “Reasons aren’t shapes.”

Most importantly, you will learn how to respond to every argument against your position with, “You don’t know for certain that that’s true.”

More advanced students can also dabble in the newly offered courses: “Quantum Leap To Conclusions!” and “Buddhism: The Christian Version.” Both advanced level courses are taught by resident professor Touchstone, so you’re guaranteed to get an A!*

Most of you have heard of the Institute of Thought before, but the Irrationality Department – Institute of Thought is a relatively new branch dedicated to solving your critical thinking problems so you don’t have to. Class size is limited, so apply today!

Note: Not all applicants are sufficiently irrational to qualify for acceptance to this program. To find out if you’re ID-IOT material, put your complete name, address, phone number, social security number, mother’s maiden name, every credit card number (completely with expiration date), your bank wire information, and your ATM PIN in the comments section of this PSA. You don’t know for certain that anyone will steal it.

*Guarantee only applicable to atheists.

13 comments:

  1. LOL. Priceless. You cheered up my day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm already versed in irrational thought so I don't need to pay, but your method of payment makes me suspicious that perhaps you aren't being serious, and irrational thought is serious stuff!

    Besides, I can put display all my financial information and be OK because it is against the law for anyone but me to use it, so there. And if anyone did use it to steal from me-and I don't think that anyone would because I believe everyone is basically good mind you-but if someone did, I'm sure that our new congress would be glad to make more laws to ensure my safely , so there X2!

    ReplyDelete
  3. An alternate certification is ID-107. For the 1337-><0r2 among us.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's funny you should mention course ID-107.

    That just happens to be the choir class, where you learn to sing one note, off key. Lead by John "The W. Stands For William Lane Craig" Loftus (composer of the famous song, "If I Were A Birdman (Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum)"), it's a core requirement for a well-balanced humanities degree.

    ReplyDelete
  5. hostus twinkius4/16/2007 4:59 PM

    Does Exist-Disolve teach there? He's the uncontested professor of non-meaning. If you can get Orthodox and Dave Armstrong on board, well, why would anyone who is irrational want to go anywhere else?

    ReplyDelete
  6. There is no such thing as rationality in the abstract. We are not logic machines.

    "If I were a biddie biddie bum, yiddle diddle didle didle dum."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
    You decreed I should be what I am!
    Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan,
    If I were a half-bird man?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I heard William Lane Craig may attend so that he can "study under" John W. Loftus. Then he will start a blog called: "Debunking Rationality," and write a book called: "Why I Rejected Rationality: A Former Cognizer Explains." He also plans on getting noticed by plastering his credentials: "A former student of Loftus," all over the internet.

    I also heard Loftus is teaching "Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda," 101. This class will explore the irrational structure of the argument: If God could've, he should've, therefore he would've made me a bird man.

    Sqwak sqwak, baby!

    Anyway, I'd like to ask Peter if there will be any scholarships available?

    ReplyDelete
  9. father_callahan4/16/2007 7:48 PM

    I don't sense the spirit of Christ in this post. In fact, I discern a spirit of evil intent.

    BEGONE FOUL SPIRIT!!! RELEASE YOUNG CALVINDUDE FROM YOUR SHACKLES OF HATE!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. father Callahan is teaching a course on the history and development of "the culture of mean." To pass you must memorize Rodney King's famous saying, "can't we all just get along." he's also teaching: "Do away with distinctions in rational thought *and* clothing. Male's will wear dresses and learn how to walk in high heels. Men shouldn't be tough. And, "men are sensitive," so don't "pick on them." The good father thinks he can help his students empathize by putting them in dresses.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The papa, the papa.

    Tradition!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Here's another example of new reason:

    We've always eschewed tradition. Why stop now?

    And again:

    I don't understand it, so it can't be true.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jim said:
    ---
    We've always eschewed tradition. Why stop now?
    ---

    Ah yes, that's the motto for the Traditional Revolutions class. For those who would appreciate this sort of class, may we also offer our Nomadic Urbanization course? With its focus on the native introduction of ferel livestock, you will learn the importance monastic extrovertism played in the profane sanctification of secular churches during the victorious surrender of the Aboriginal conquest. This class is limited to all, especially the truly apathetic devotees.

    ReplyDelete