Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Back to nature

Good Catholic couples practice “Natural Family Planning.” They oppose “artificial” contraception cuz it’s…well…so…artificial. Artificial contraception is wicked because it wickedly subverts the natural process that God designed for procreation.

But Natural Family Planning is just a tiny part of the Catholic back-to-nature movement.

Good Catholics don’t use antibiotics since that meddles with the nature process of infection.

Good Catholics don’t use anesthesia since that blocks the natural pain receptors which God designed.

Good Catholics don’t use chemotherapy since that tampers with the natural course of cancer.

Good Catholics don’t use electric light bulbs since that interferes with the diurnal cycle.

Good Catholics don’t use heaters and air conditioners since that snubs the natural environment which God made for us and put us in.

Good Catholics don’t use telephones since that subverts the natural limitations of vocal projection.

Good Catholics don’t use cars and airplanes since that subverts the natural limitations of bipedal locomotion.

Good Catholics don’t use pesticides since that thwarts the natural process of predation, parasitism, and decomposition.

Good Catholics don’t wear eyeglasses since that opposes the natural aging process.

Good Catholics don’t use refrigerators and freezers since that frustrates the natural decay rate.

Good Catholics don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom since that overrides the natural spread of germs.

Good Catholics don’t drink fluoridated water or pasteurized milk since that contravenes the natural transmission of pathogens.

Good Catholics don’t brush their teeth since that impedes the natural process of tooth decay

Good Catholics live in nudist colonies by the beach, where they wait for coconuts to fall from trees.  


  1. Good points about good Catholics. I was a bad Catholic, most my life, even as an altar boy.

  2. Based on discussions in other recent metas, it seems as though there can be no good Catholics. The law is powerless to save anyone but it seems as though law is all they have... it's sad. :(

  3. This will be my last comment here. I tried to reason, at length, with Steve and others at this site, over at the comments for his post, "The joy of adolescent sex-ed." If anyone wishes to peruse the comments, scroll down just a few posts.

    Steve, pregnancy, as result of natural, unimpeded, marital sexual union, as God *designed* it to be, is not a cancer. It is not tooth decay. It is simply not comparable to any of the situations you present here.

    Steve, Donsands, Mr. Fosi,and all else here, until last fall, I was a convinced and passionate Calvinist Christian. I would have fit in quite well here at Triablogue. I was a Reformed Baptist, and I had been a member of Capitol Hill Baptist Church (pastor Mark Dever, co-founder of the 9 Marks ministry), which is well-liked by many here, I am sure. I still love many aspects of that body of believers. The Christ-centeredness, the strong preaching, the passion for evangelism, the warm community... (unless one becomes Catholic or returns to the Catholic Church... but I won't go into that here in detail, and I will say that not all of the members react in the same way to such a move, God be praised).

    Last year, in a very unexpected and sudden way, I was compelled to re-investigate the Catholic Church, which I had left many years ago, and which was openly represented by Capitol Hill Baptist leaders as "not teaching the Gospel." Most of the members of CHBC, at least from what I could tell, seemed to heartily agree with this assessment when I was there. I certainly did. (They were not afraid to say it either, as I was not afraid.)

    Eventually, I ended up moving to New Mexico and became a member of a Calvinistic non-denominational church there. I was still a happy Calvinist Christian, very committed to Christ and active in the church. However, as I wrote above, very unexpectedly,and seemingly out of nowhere, God convicted me, and I was compelled to re-investigate the Catholic Church. I met with an elder for almost eight months, studying through Scripture, Church Fathers, Protestant and Catholic apologetics, and more. As the meetings continued, I began to realize, with a painful shock, that in my time as a "Reformed Baptist," I had been given much,misinformation about, and many misunderstandings of, what the Catholic Church actually teaches. Some of this had come from former Catholics who were now Protestant church leaders. I cannot judge their hearts. I do not wish to do so... but the information was incorrect.

    Mr. Fosi, the Catholic Church does not teach that we are saved by law, but by grace, God's grace. Moreover, now that I have returned to the Catholic Church, I find it to be more grace-filled, and less legalistic, in many ways, than the Reformed communities of my past, as much as I do still love those brothers and sisters and treasure the good, Godly truths that were taught by the leaders-- though, as a returned Catholic Christian, I obviously do have some disagreements with certain Reformed teachings now-- but I certainly don't disagree with the Christ-centeredness of those communities, and with the other wonderful things in them that I mentioned previously.

    Probably due to what the members are taught about the Catholic Church, and about "Biblical church discipline," most of them have ceased to be in contact with me. I still love them though, and I hope and pray that somehow, their misunderstandings about the Catholic Church are corrected, as mine have been. God bless all of you and goodbye.

  4. > 'pregnancy, as result of natural, unimpeded, marital sexual union, as God *designed* it to be, is not a cancer. It is not tooth decay...'

    Indeed not. Instead it's a type of flu that you can, by grace of God, avoid catching if you can refrain from embracing your spouse for the next few days.

    Like most anti-contraceptive arguments ("Usurping God's sovereignty!", "A racist agenda to cull the brown people in the Third World!", etc), this approach proves too much and would invalidate NFP as well. At least the Amish and the Hasidim are consistent on this point.


    "Steve, pregnancy, as result of natural, unimpeded, marital sexual union, as God *designed* it to be, is not a cancer. It is not tooth decay. It is simply not comparable to any of the situations you present here."

    Cancer, procreation, and tooth-decay are all natural processes. God designed all three.

    And if you attribute cancer or tooth-decay to the fall, then you're tried to subvert the curse. Trying to "get around" God's penalty for Adam's sin.

  6. From a Reformed Baptist ignorant of church history to a Roman Catholic willfully ignorant of church history. God help us. But at least you've been cut off; may the Lord save you though your flesh be destroyed by Satan.

  7. Cancer, procreation, and tooth-decay are all natural processes. God designed all three.

    Cancer and tooth decay are a result of the fall.

    Human life being created within the vocation of marriage is not a result of the fall.

  8. And so, as Steve foresaw, his argument would be ignored.

    I guess it really is only IRL that people can discuss important issues in good faith.

  9. "...the Catholic Church does not teach that we are saved by law, but by grace, God's grace." Christopher

    My friend, this statement grieves me.
    I have argued with devote Catholics about grace alone through faith alone, and they sternly add the sacraments and works into their gospel.

    I had a nun, (whom I like very much, and I consider a friend), ask me, after I told her I left the Catholis Church and became a Protestant, "Why did you leave your consecration?"

    We have many talks about many teachings from the CC: Mary, communion, faith alone, the sacrament of reconciliation, etc. Another nun said to me, "You know what the word protestant means?" I said, "Absolutely, it means I protest the doctrines of the Catholic Church.

    Are there Catholics that love Christ inspite of all the false religion piled high upon their shoulders, and deep upon their minds?
    Yes, I believe that, because I know God's grace in my own life.
    Are there countless Catholics who are trying to be as good as they can, and actually think they are pretty decent folk for God to take to heaven; with the sacraments of course? Yes. And this is not a salvation for their souls, but a futile religion of doom.

    You are quite correct about Mark Dever. I shake my head that you could walk out from underneath this pastor of the Lord's care.


    "Cancer and tooth decay are a result of the fall."

    In which case you're trying to evade the curse whenever you brush your teeth. How rebellions of you! You should accept your punishment!

  11. Steven said...

    "Cancer and tooth decay are a result of the fall."

    So God didn't design the natural processes of cancer and tooth decay?

    Are you a Manichaean dualist?

  12. Steven said...

    "Cancer and tooth decay are a result of the fall."

    Given the fact that Roman Catholicism made peace with evolutionary biology decades ago (e.g. "Humani Generis"), that statement hardly reflects mainstream (or even official) Catholic opinion.

  13. I've been surprised throughout these NFP discussions that no one has pointed out how the celibate priesthood, monastaries, and nunneries have robbed God of so many precious potential papist progeny.

    Or maybe someone has pointed this out and I've missed it, which wouldn't be much of a surprise at all.

    In Christ,

  14. Coram Deo,

    To be fair, that hasn't prevented a good many of those priests from providing paternal perquisites to pretty parishioners.

  15. As far as I can make it out, the Catholic position is this:

    (a) Of course you can't be saved by faith alone, without works. That's silly.

    (b) But don't accuse the Catholic Church of teaching salvation by works. That's Pelagian.

  16. I think Tom got it right there.

    It looks to me as if our Catholic friends are going through something like these steps:

    - Teach "common" believers that they aren't necessarily capable of understanding the text.

    - Teach that the Church sets the bar for what is a correct reading of the text.

    - Conflate justification and sanctification.

    - Affirm that sanctification is furthered primarily by the personal effort of the believer.

    - Use a defective hermeneutic to move beyond the clear meaning of the text to add new works that one must do to prove and further one's sanctification.

    - Rinse and repeat.

  17. Someone has pointed out that Romanism is a study is contradictions.

    It makes "salvation" ridiculously easy and perfunctory by having a priest say last rites over a backslidden cultural Catholic on his deathbed, assuring all of his soul's eternal blessedness and bliss to come, while simultaneously holding out an unattainably rigorous and demanding path to "salvation" for the serious, observant, practicing Catholic.

    Such is the inevitable result of perverted "grace".

    In Christ,

  18. Steve, good answer to the nature of the fall contention. As far as that goes, why circumvent the pain of natural birth with pain killers or even entertain having a C-section?

    To go off on another tangent, as food for presuppositional-versus-naturalism thought, it occurs to me that, aside from the act of creation itself, much of what we call "natural" in this world is part of the curse of the fall, a rather supernatural thing.