We’ve seen much recent acrimony betwixt Calvinists, universalists, annihilationists, and Arminians. In the interests of ecumenical fraternity, I hereby propose a progressively evanjellycal, generously goldilocks rapprochement:
God conditionally elected some men to everlasting bliss, based on their foreseen faith in the Westminster Confession.
God conditionally reprobated other men to the everlasting BBQ, based on their foreseen faith in the Five Articles of the Remonstrants.
God predestined four-point Calvinists to suffer 5,000 years of dark, teeth-gnashing purgatorial hell–after which time they shall join the sainted five-pointers in the New Jerusalem.
Since this is a G-rated blog, I decline to specify the unspeakable fate awaiting all fans of Justin Bieber, but you can use your own lurid imagination.