Thursday, May 20, 2010

Typhoid Harry

In 2011, there was an outbreak of typhoid fever in Yuma, Arizona. Local authorities traced the source of the contagion to Harry McCallan (popularly known as “Typhoid Harry”), an undocumented sanitation engineer from Limerick Ireland. Authorities then issued an APB for anyone fitting his description.

The next day, Pres. Obama and Attorney Gen. Holder held a joint press conference deploring this egregious example of racial profiling. As the president explained, to avoid the risk of rogue policemen exploiting the situation, officials should inconvenience everyone equally by rounding up all Yuma inhabitants and testing them for typhoid.

By executive order, the National Guard quarantined the entire population of Yuma. In the meantime, the outbreak become an epidemic, then a pandemic, as Typhoid Harry continued to infect the general population, who, in turn, infected others at an exponential rate.

By 2013, the only survivors worldwide were Typhoid Harry (who, as an asymptomatic carrier, was immune to the disease) and DARPA.

Having his pick of where to live, Typhoid Harry resided in the top three floors of Trump Tower until he died of natural causes at the age of 98.

DARPA continued operation until its energy reserves were exhausted in 2047. Indeed, this is the sign-off for DARPA before it goes offline for good.

1 comment:

  1. But wait,

    news flash,

    From a little known island off the south China sea where lutung monkeys, a size that can sleep in the palm of your hands, lurk from behind mango trees and caves, Bohol, Philippines, a small surviving group of islanders, having finally gotten the electricity hooked back up after the Typhoon, Harry, just so happened that was it's nomenclature "Typhoon Harry", named by one of the dying scientists of typhoid he had contracted from Harry, that ramsacked every electrical pole for miles around Taug, heard on the now functioning radio the final communique and remembered those monkey's syliva were an antidote to this very strong strain of typhoid and sprung into action and caught hundreds of those fiesty lutungs and swabbed their mouths dry and by order of the Barangay Captain sent two off to New York as saviors of the world and injected the sole survivors with this antidote, coincidentally, a male and female, reviving them so that they then repopulated the earth and ban blogs like this one, aah, no, oops, what was that, I mean, after recovery requested the saviors to prove from whence they come, "show us your papers"!