Tuesday, October 09, 2007

How To Frustrate God

John W. Loftus sez:

I hate being laughed at. Being ridiculed and mocked motivates me like nothing else. It’s like pouring gasoline on the flames of my passion. I want to make these people eat their words, and I usually do. Yes, that’s right. I usually do. The reason is that I believe in myself. I know what I am capable of doing if I set my mind to it. I’ve been doing that all of my life. I even have a signature line on one Christian forum that reads: “Personally attacking me is like pouring gasoline on the flames on my passion. I get stronger. I've told you that from the beginning. You didn't believe me. Maybe someday you will.”


So, if you want to motivate me, just mock me. Belittle me. Harass me. Christians have done this to me repeatedly here at DC and elsewhere. In my opinion they are Christianity’s worst enemies, for in doing what they do, they make me stronger. It motivates me to debunk the very faith that justifies their treatment of me. It makes me want to go for the jugular vein of their faith.


Some important and well-read people have already said some really nice things about my self-published book, which I was motivated to beef up because of the riducule I received from a particular Christian forum. I have another month or two to add to my Prometheus Books edition, which is a massive revision from my self-published one, and I mean massive! If what these people are saying about my present book is on the mark, what will they say when this PB edition comes out?


So let me just take a moment to thank all of those Christians who have ridiculed me in the past for motivating me. To you I owe a debt of gratitude. Your God must be very pleased with you.


By this John means that his atheological writings are serious blows to the Christian faith, and causing people to de-convert, left and right.

He allows God to be granted.

He then says that God is mad with us for "fueling John's fire."

Imagine that. If God exists, John Loftus thinks that he is in heaven pacing back and forth, pulling his hair, and strategizing on just how to launch a counter-offensive against the Loftinator - the Arnold Schwarzenegger of atheology. Hans and Franz put together. He's memorized this part from Conan:

Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.
Mongol General: That is good! That is good.

God tries to get someone to believe, and then bam!, the guy picks up a Loftus book. “Oh great, now what am I gonna do?”

God then stomps his feet, crosses his arms, and curses those Christians who "pushed Loftus' buttons.

He says, "Great, guys; why did you have to make John Loftus so mad? Now look at what he's doing. How can I compete with that?"

I mean, seriously. Let's look at what God is up against and ask ourselves how an all-powerful, all-wise being could compete with it:

. If you were God, what would you reasonably do differently to make this a better world with less suffering?

Let me be the first to suggest an improvement. God could've created human beings by adding a pair of wings to our backs so that we could fly. There would be no more falling to our deaths. We would have better transportation such that there would also be fewer fatalities on our roadways and airways. Such a winged improvement would result in less suffering than our present bodies. We know God could've done this because there are naturally existing birds in this world who fly. So why didn't he? source

And so God pleads with his followers, "Please, stop making Loftus mad. I can't get anyone to convert anymore. He frustrates my plans. Stop it before he argues that I should have made men with gills so they wouldn't drown. Given old ladies tusks to gore possible muggers with. Given them skin of steel so mosquitoes with malaria couldn't infect them. Stop making Loftus mad!"

Okay, so you've won John. We'll stop "pouring fuel on your fire." Just promise to tone it down a bit. Quit writing your works and just give God a fair chance.


  1. hostus twinkius10/09/2007 10:49 PM

    This reminds me of a famous quote I once heard that goes something like this,

    "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

    --Bruce Banner

  2. I'm reminded of the quote from Kenobi in the original Star Wars where he tells Darth Vader something like "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than ever" (or something like that).

  3. That's it Manata, keep fueling my passion. Mock me again and I might just self-publish another book.

    Go ahead, make my day...

  4. hostus twinkius10/10/2007 12:42 AM

    Listen brethren, I think I can see where this is going. I just want to admonish you not to aid the satanic minions of darkness by cajoling Mr. John W. Loftus. He is as volatile as the little boy in that Twilight Zone episode who is all-powerful, and of whom all the adults are terrified. So don't force him to turn your arguments into so many jack-in-the-boxes that will have to be consigned to the cornfield. Walk softly so that he will not dismantle our theology, destroy our eschatological hopes, and refute our best biblical reasoning. Please, if you care at all, refrain from fueling the passion. I beg of you brothers, consider the cost...

    --the twinkie

  5. Thank you for addressing the problems of one of the most anti-Christian sites. God bless you. :)

  6. Thank you, Paul, for that wonderful piece of work.

    I love you. I really really love you. For real.



  7. "Loftinator - the Arnold Schwarzenegger of atheology."

    Better: the Barney Fife of atheology.

  8. Man, this guy, John Loftus, is like the Dave Armstrong of atheist apologetics.

  9. milhous,

    Click on the Ahnold link.

  10. and so God remains present