For Immediate Release!
This just in!
Acme Arminian Armory
Has Just Released
The Arminibot 3000!
Included in the standard version:
Enhanced version includes the above and:
For a modest fee of your eternal soul, AAA will include:
1. Fetish for corporate election and foreseen faith.
2. Standard issue libertarian free will.
3. John 3:16, 1 John 2:2, 1 Tim. 2:4, etc.
4. General Atonement.
5. Universal Prevenient Grace
6. Standard "robot" analogy.
7. Complete package of ethical objections to Calvinism.
8. Sinner's Prayer (Authorized version)
9. Eternal Security option (buyer must request).
2. Standard issue libertarian free will.
3. John 3:16, 1 John 2:2, 1 Tim. 2:4, etc.
4. General Atonement.
5. Universal Prevenient Grace
6. Standard "robot" analogy.
7. Complete package of ethical objections to Calvinism.
8. Sinner's Prayer (Authorized version)
9. Eternal Security option (buyer must request).
Enhanced version includes the above and:
1. Libertarian free will with Molinism.
2. Free copy of Why I'm Not A Calvinist
3. Exegesis reversal for John 6.
4. Free tickets to Bailey Smith Conferences.
5. Your name entered for the next Hummer drawing at FBC, Woodstock, GA.
6. For some Baptists, optional removal of UPG for just free will by common grace (semi-Pelagianism option).
7. Wesley's commentaries or the complete Hershel Hobbs collection (for Baptists).
2. Free copy of Why I'm Not A Calvinist
3. Exegesis reversal for John 6.
4. Free tickets to Bailey Smith Conferences.
5. Your name entered for the next Hummer drawing at FBC, Woodstock, GA.
6. For some Baptists, optional removal of UPG for just free will by common grace (semi-Pelagianism option).
7. Wesley's commentaries or the complete Hershel Hobbs collection (for Baptists).
For a modest fee of your eternal soul, AAA will include:
1. Libertarian free will with Open Theism Option.
2. Free RSS feed to the following websites:
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
F.
G.
3. Wesley's Commentaries with guide to perfectionism.
4. Complete works of Clark Pinnock, Jerry Walls, Gregory Boyd, Charles Finney, and Robert Olson.
5. Optional baptismal regeneration kit for Campbellites - includes removal of all Scriptures after Acts 2:28.
6. Complete Free Will Defense.
7. What Love Is This? by Dave Hunt (You will also be the first to receive each new edition).
8. Free Benny Hinn healing.
9. Lifetime tickets to all of Jan Crouch appearances on PTL / TBN Network (modest donation requested).
10. Optional removal of Orthodox trinitarianism for Oneness Pentecostalism/modalism along with the latest releases from Philips, Craig, & Dean and TD Jakes.
2. Free RSS feed to the following websites:
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
F.
G.
3. Wesley's Commentaries with guide to perfectionism.
4. Complete works of Clark Pinnock, Jerry Walls, Gregory Boyd, Charles Finney, and Robert Olson.
5. Optional baptismal regeneration kit for Campbellites - includes removal of all Scriptures after Acts 2:28.
6. Complete Free Will Defense.
7. What Love Is This? by Dave Hunt (You will also be the first to receive each new edition).
8. Free Benny Hinn healing.
9. Lifetime tickets to all of Jan Crouch appearances on PTL / TBN Network (modest donation requested).
10. Optional removal of Orthodox trinitarianism for Oneness Pentecostalism/modalism along with the latest releases from Philips, Craig, & Dean and TD Jakes.
Order Now While Supplies Last
I have been waiting a very long time for a deeply emotional, yet highly intellectual article to
ReplyDeleteappear written by someone on this TRIABLOGUE location and here it is, folks - EUREKA! BINGO!
Step right up and get your special blessing before they are all gone!
I always thought that one of the talented writers who contribute to TRIABLOGUE and write the editorials
would be able to pull it off. Now, finally, at long last it has happened!
CHEERS TO Gene Bridges of North Carolina for the best tongue in cheek item I have
read in many moons!
And he is not even a doctor of theology (not yet) but surely he deserves to be certified and duly recognized as a registered male nurse for the good his latest
pontificating will bring to all with a genuine sense of humor.
I am honored to know this young man and count his friendship a joy and privilege! Thanks for the laughs, Gene!
Still praying for RAIN or SNOW in that part of the USA - and California, too!!!
Gene,
ReplyDeleteI have a hunch that LifeWay will be calling you to get a patent on the robot! If they act quick, they can include it in their X-Mas catalog.
chadwick