Friday, August 11, 2006

Best sellers

I’ve been tagged. Sigh.

Well, as long as they don’t ask me about my secret mistress or my double-life as a serial axe-killer, I guess it’s safe to bare my soul.

1. One book that changed your life:

The Bible.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:

See #1.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:

See #2.

4. One book that made you laugh:

*Why I Rejected Christianity: A Former Apologist Explains, by John W. Loftus.

Loftus is never funnier than when he wants to be taken seriously.

5. One book that made you cry:

See #4.

It’s always sad when a book like this comes to an end. Now I’ll have to look elsewhere for cheap laughs.

6. One book that you wish had been written:

Hard to choose. The Left Behind series or The Purpose Driven Church?

Yeah, yeah, I know. The theology sucks.

But as every great writer has learned, you need to churn out a few potboilers to finance the serious stuff.

The strategy is to write a really bad bestseller, which justifies a corrective sequel. Then you just keep alternating between the two.

7. One book that you wish had never been written:

The Koran

8. One book you’re currently reading:

Alvin Plantinga and Peter van Inwagen, eds. A Paradigm Theory of Dogpatch: Essays in the Phenomeno-Onto-Logic of Li’l Abner and Daisy Mae Scragg (Blackwell 2006).

Okay, I admit I made that up.

But the whole point of questions like #8 and #9 (see below) is to give you a pretext to cite some pretentious sounding title in order to show everyone what a towering intellectual you are.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:

See #8.

*Well, if you must know, I never read Loftus’ latest book. (Or his earlier book, for that matter.) But I’ve read enough of his freebie stuff that it’s unintended comedic potential is a pretty safe bet.

7 comments:

  1. Tell me do you prefer the single axe head style or the double bladed axe head style? I find I can get more done with the double bladed axe but the single one does allow you to stun them first.

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  2. "Loftus is never funnier than when he wants to be taken seriously." Pure freakin' classic! LOLOLOL!

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  3. Not that anyone asked, but since I'm pretty good at butting into places I'm least wanted, and generally speaking am a pretty annoying person anyway...

    1. One book that changed your life:

    See Spot Run.

    English was not my first language. So prior to reading this opus, my English came out as meaningless gibberish. Today it's thankfully no longer gibberish.

    2. One book that you’ve read more than once:

    War and Peace.

    With the qualification: only if by book you mean book-turned-into-a-feature-film.

    Corollary: only if by book-turned-into-a-feature-film you also mean the Disney cartoon version of War and Peace known as The Aristocats.

    3. One book you’d want on a desert island:

    The Tempest.

    Curse you, Prospero, for stranding me here! But now the tables are turned and I know how this whole thing will play out! Muahahaha!

    4. One book that made you laugh:

    I'd also cite John Loftus' book.

    But, wait, isn't that the whole idea? That it's supposed to be a joke, along the same lines of Stephen Colbert's little ruse?

    5. One book that made you cry:

    Amazing Spider-Man #121 (June 1973), "The Night Gwen Stacy Died."

    A heart-breaking, gut-wrenching ordeal. I'll never forgive the Green Goblin for bringing such pain into Peter Parker's life! Oh, poor Peter Parker, picked on by a pickle-colored, painted poser! If Peter Parker had only pummelled that puckish, penny-pinching punk in the past, then Peter Parker might've possbily (potentially) been propitious Peter Parker the pleasant with a petite amie, but, alas! He's Peter Parker the pitied sans petite amie.

    Ah well, that's cool. There's always Mary Jane.

    6. One book that you wish had been written:

    To be serious for a moment (but only a moment): Musica Mundana.

    But I could wish all I want and I would never have 1/1000000000th the talent to write such a book. A sublime work.

    7. One book that you wish had never been written:

    Patman: The Dork Knave Returns.

    It's the height of literary excellence, you see, not to mention completely engrossing on a popular level. If more widely read, it would undoubtedly consume denizens around the globe, drawing people away from church, family, friends, work, and all other pursuits, and lead to the collapse of civilization as we know it.

    8. One book you’re currently reading:

    The Art of Star Wars.

    Yeah, I'm more of a "picture is worth a thousand words" kinda guy.

    9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:

    I'd like to purchase the sequel to See Spot Run -- See Spot Run...with Scissors! (Scissors not included.)

    But since it's for a more mature reading audience, I don't qualify. Maybe in a few years.

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  4. It's interesting that of all the books you guys could make fun of you mention mine. I mean really, there are a spake of books out there like mine from former Christians and fellow debunkers. But you choose to mention mine. An intelligent person may think to himself that coming from you it's a backhanded compliment. Why this fixation with me if what I say is laughable? Someone who's book is laughable can be safely ignored.

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  5. Peter,

    That’s a very important question. Like one’s choice of a cigar, only a gentleman of superior breeding and discrimination would ask.

    The answer depends on the formality of the occasion. If it’s just my routine Saturday night out on the town axe-killing, then my trusty old single-headed axe gets the job done without too much fuss or clean-up.

    And a fringe benefit if you stun the victims first is that you get to savor that wide-eyed expression before you lower the boom (pardon the pun).

    However, for those extra special, tux-only occasions—like the high school prom—I upgrade to my stylish, double-headed axe.

    Go to www.axekillersrus.com for a wide selection to match every need and taste. Order within the next 60 minutes and you’ll get a free hatchet.

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  6. Like a train wreck, one cannot wrest one's eyes away, although one should out of respect.

    Cordially,

    Hiraeth

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  7. Steve,

    I always knew you were a whack job! Ha! I know that you only mentioned my book because you are afraid of me. It's OK to admit that you've met your match and that you're scared of what my argumentation will do to your lil' web site here. I understand you're trying to keep this thing afloat. If you lost your readership you might have to move out of your mother's house and get a real job! (Props to Ted for that one!). Since you view yourself as the guardian of all those little Christians out there who are just lying on the cusp of deconversion, you ought to be concerned about my wonderful book. Have a great day, Steve....Bwaahahahahaha *cough, cough*

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