Monday, May 10, 2004

Equine homicide

"A sexually excited stallion bit a Polish man to death when he tried to calm the beast, which had become uncontrollably aroused by a nearby mare," Reuters reports from Warsaw.


I trust that the high-stepper was Mirandized and assigned Peter Singer as counsel for the defense.

This was clearly a crime of passion! Innocent by reason of temporary insanity? If only the mare had been discreetly veiled, this might never have happened.

I assume an animal psychologist will be appointed by the court to determine whether the steed is competent to face trial. Maybe it was abused as a colt. Perchance a victim of tragic circumstances?

Is it covered by the Geneva Conventions? Perhaps the case should be referred to the International Criminal Court.

Assuming the poor beast is convicted and sentenced, there's the whole question of equine rights behind bars. Should it have access to filly centerfolds and other adult fare?

What about socially-sensitive meals? For example, an Arabian stallion cannot be fed any pork products.

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