In 33 AD, Richardus Carrier,
a natural philosopher of world renown, was on the island of Capri, where
Tiberius Caesar was vacationing.
April 23, 33
Centurion: We just received report
of a mass resurrection in a Jewish cemetery in Jerusalem. A moment after the
Messiah died, the earth shook, splitting rocks. Some tombs also were opened.
And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out
of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the Jerusalem and appeared
to many.
Carrier: Nonsense! I won’t
believe it until I know who the reporter was.
April 25, 33
Centurion: My contacts tell
me the reporter was one Matthew or Levi–he goes by two different names–an
apostle and one-time tax collector.
Carrier: I won’t believe it
until I interview Matthew personally:
April 30, 33
Centurion: How did the
interview go?
Carrier: I won’t believe it
until I know who the witnesses were.
May 2, 33
Centurion: My contacts have
given me a list of names and addresses of observers who witnessed the mass
resurrection in the Jewish cemetery.
Carrier: Nonsense! I won’t
believe it until I interview the witnesses personally.
May 7, 33
Centurion: How did the
interviews go?
Carrier: Eyewitness testimony
is notoriously unreliable. I won’t believe it until I personally interview some
of the “raised saints.”
May 11, 33
Centurion: How did the
interviews go?
Carrier: I won’t believe it
until I know the saints were really dead and buried.
May 13, 33
Centurion: I just received
word from the Chief Coroner of Jerusalem that the saints were truly dead and
buried.
Carrier: Nonsense! I won’t
believe it until I see the results of DNA testing to the confirm that the
saints who were said to be raised are the very same individuals who were buried
there.
May 15, 33
Centurion: Based on DNA
samples taken both before and after the event, the Chief Coroner of Jerusalem
informs me that they are one and the same individuals.
Carrier: Nonsense. DNA
samples can be tampered with. I won’t believe it unless I can see it for
myself.
May 17, 33
Centurion: Here’s footage
from security cameras at the cemetery which show the mass resurrection.
Carrier: Nonsense!
Photographic evidence can be tampered with. And even if your photographic
evidence is accurate, how can I be sure the whole event wasn’t staged by
mischievous aliens? For all I know, the Mother Ship may be hiding behind the
moon, conveniently out of sight. I won’t believe it unless I can go back in
time to be there when it happens, so that I can see it with my own eyes:
May 19, 33
Centurion: Your butler tells
me that the Archangel Michael appeared to you yesterday and transported you
back in time and space to the Jewish cemetery, at the moment it happened.
Carrier: Nonsense! I was
obviously hallucinating.
Fantastic!
ReplyDeleteMoving the goalposts are the result of not wanting the goal to made in the first place. At least he let the ball be kicked. Some deniers pull a Lucy van Pelt and snatch the ball up at the last moment for the purpose of watching the apologist fall on his butt making what would otherwise be a great kick... er, case.
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