Futbal

Ze’Shabipex: Comrade, why do you think the humans are chasing a rubber ball around the field?

Qu’Thoqojox: It appears to be a form of corporal punishment practiced by certain primates in Latin America. Notice how they try to hit that man standing in front of the net with the ball.

Ze’Shabipex: That must be why it’s televised. And why they have so many spectators in the stands. It’s a deterrent.

Still, kicking a ball when someone is chasing you seems to be a pretty inefficient way to hit convict.

Qu’Thoqojox: As we’ve discovered, comrade, humans aren’t very smart.

Ze’Shabipex: They have a similar form of public corporal punishment in Canada. Only there the punishers wear skates and try to hit the convict with a rubber puck using sticks as they slip and slide around the ice rink.

Qu’Thoqojox: Wouldn’t it be a whole lot simpler if they just walked up to the convict and bonked him on the head with their sticks?

Ze’Shabipex: You’d think so. But humans are just one rung up the ladder from chimpanzees. So we can’t expect too much from them.

Qu’Thoqojox: Isn’t there a variant form of punishment in the United States?

Ze’Shabipex: Yes, comrade. But there one of the primates tries to protect the convict by blocking the ball with a bat.

Qu’Thoqojox: Wouldn’t it be more efficient to put the backstop in front of the convict to keep him from getting hurt?

Ze’Shabipex: They need a lot of help, don’t they? Unfortunately, the Prime Directive forbids us from kick-starting their internal social evolution.

Qu’Thoqojox: So what should we tell our superiors back on the home planet?

Ze’Shabipex: I’m recommending that earth be recycled for the raw minerals.