DevilWorshipers®

To: Hellspawn
From: Anton LaVey
Re: Change of plans

There has been another security breach. This time we’ve been outed by Billy Birch:

“Though castigated by some Calvinists, it is no wonder why Roger Olson notes that it is at times difficult to distinguish between God and Satan in a Calvinistic worldview, when such language about God is employed.”

We were originally planning to sacrifice Josh Thibodaux at our monthly Black Sabbath, but in light of this development I’ve decided to keep Josh on ice for next month’s solemnities and promote Billy Birch to the head of the line.

Of course, we’re still saving the more illustrious sacrificial victims like Ben Witherington and Roger Olson for special occasions, like Halloween or the Winter Solstice. And we always like to keep one or two Arminians in the dungeon in case we run low on reserves.