Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Security alert!

Date: 3/27/666
To: All succubae
From: Malacoda
Re: Security breach

Our listening station in Uzbekistan just intercepted this communiqué:

Dear brethren of the ELCR, we live in a dangerous time. Today, more than ever before, Satan is trying to wipe true Christianity off the face of the map. We know that he cannot ultimately accomplish that, but we also know that he will not cease his efforts until the Lord comes. He will gladly promote any religion, including all false representations of Christianity, if it is devoid of the Gospel because that does him no harm. One such religion that rejects and destroys the Gospel is Calvinism. Throughout this paper, I am speaking of that Calvinism that denies the universal atonement of Christ. For this reason Satan has raised it up and established it in its many forms. Its errors are subtle, reflecting the deep guile and great might of our old evil foe. The Scriptures describe the serpent as “more subtil than any beast of the field” (Gen. 3:1). The deadly danger of Calvinism is that it looks so much like true Christianity. It is a counterfeit that can easily pass as public tender. In fact, I would never have known or even have suspected the poisonous nature of this devilish lie if not for the writings of Martin Luther which taught me faith and delivered me from its terrible snare. You see, Calvinism is really a false religion, despite its appearance as an advocate for Biblical truth. It is a religion led of depraved human reason and not that true religion which belongs to the Word of God and child-like faith. Now what about Calvinism, the offspring of that rebellious and faithless woman, Madame Reason?


This underscores our security protocol requiring all succubae to use cryptophones when recruiting Reformed defectors to the cause of darkness.

One of our honeypots in the SBC used an unsecured wireless network to contact a promising seminarian, resulting in this security breach. We are able to control the damage in this case by arranging a freak accident to eliminate the whistleblower, but we can’t do that too often without arousing suspicion.


  1. shuuuu~~~~~~~~~~~~----------^^^^####@@@@@@~~~~~~~~~~~~```````--------it's-d00000]]]]]]]~~~~~~~~~~~~~---------OK,scureeeech~~~~~~~~~~woooooooooooooooooowangwhizzinng~~~~~~-----------, ah, ah, what, guys, guys, be quiet, a message is being received from candastan, ah, no beckickastan, ah, what, what, drabs, lost the signal again!

    George, "When are we going to get new equipment? This equipment is so lame!"

    Well, I guess we will have to wait until the Satellite comes back by before we have another opportunity to receive the communique?

    Well, what was it?

    Ah, I think it was another one of those security alerts?

    Oh, I am going back to sleep!

    Good nite!


  2. This underscores our security protocol requiring all succubae to use cryptophones when recruiting Reformed defectors to the cause of darkness.