St. Singularis was a member of the true church. Needless to say, there was only one true church.
The true church was a rock-hewn church located somewhere in Nubia. The exact location was a closely guarded secret. Only a true member of the true church was allowed to know its location.
No one took more seriously than St. Singularis the motto: nulla salus extra ecclesiam. That’s why it was so important to be a member of the true church.
There were certain marks of the true church. For example, the true church only used communion wine with 18% alcohol content.
There was another monolithic church just down the canyon that served communion wine with 17.5% alcohol content. Such were the perennial dangers of apostasy.
The true church also used communion bread baked by vestal virgins. If the communion bread was accidentally baked by a married woman, then that rendered the Eucharist invalid.
At one time, the true church consisted of two members—St. Singularis and his twin-brother Unicitas. However, Singularis once caught his brother crossing himself with his left hand. (That’s because Unicitas was left-handed.)
Needless to say, the only way to make the true sign of the cross was with the right hand. So Singularis excommunicated his heretical brother.
It was an onerous duty, but someone had to perform it. Otherwise, chaos would ensue. Utter chaos!
St. Singularis used to write encyclicals to himself because…well…because there was no one else to write them to.
After St. Singularis died, there was no one left to sweep the dust, and the true church was eventually engulfed in a sand dune.
But let me reassure you that the true church still exists. The true church is still there—buried beneath that pile of sand, just waiting to be excavated so that you, too, can become a member of the one and only true church on earth.