The Evangelical world has been rocked from top to bottom these last few days by shocking revelations of Dr. White’s hitherto undisclosed background. This began when the legendary Art Sippo, of Hitmen-R-Us, broke the following story:
“Mr. White is an ignorant bigot who has no academic credentials. He was raised by bigots to be a bigot and would parade around in a white sheet burning crosses on people's lawns if there was any money in it.”
Still reeling from this exposé, Dr. White’s ministry faces yet another body blow, for Sippo has now been tipped off by an anonymous source (a regular informant for Newsweek and 60 Minutes II) that Dr. White has a cousin twice-removed who was once caught trying to sneak 16 items through the express checkout stand, although the sign clearly said "15 items or less"!
And as I write this, yet another sensational detail is just coming over the newswires. According to preliminary reports, Dr. White’s late great Aunt Sue-Ella (as reported by the AP, although Reuters gives her name as Ella-Sue) may have taken two peanut butter cookies (yes, you heard me right, that’s “two” cookies!) back in Sunday school when Teacher wasn’t looking, even though Teacher, when she passed the plate around, told the students in no uncertain terms that they were only allowed “one” cookie each.
Geraldo Rivera has been dispatched by Fox News to interview the surviving eyewitnesses—who were between 5-6 years old at the time, but currently reside in various nursing homes due to end-stage senile dementia.
Although Teacher is long since deceased, her estate is demanding reparations from Alpha & Omega ministries for the pilfered cookie, and Nancy Pelosi has called for a Congressional investigation to look into the escalating scandal of Cookiegate.