Sunday, May 29, 2005

Nazis riot over Mein Kampf abuse

Edward R. Murrow,
War correspondent
August 4, 1944

Berlin (Washington Post) – At least 20 lie dead and hundreds injured as indignant Germans took to the streets today, burning American flags and effigies of FDR, as well as setting fire to fellow rioters, while chanting anti-American slogans to protest media reports of Mein Kampf abuse at OBDC (Omaha Beach Detention Camp).

The Axis powers have loudly condemned the Mein Kampf abuse. Many Nazis are already upset by the US-led war on fascism, which they believe targets their Vaterland.

Here in Berlin, up to 1,000 members of the Hitler Youth held a rally at the Reichstag, chanting Mein Fuhrer ist Akbar! (My Fuhrer is Great).

Protesters see any desecration of Mein Kampf as further evidence that the US seeks to humiliate the Third Reich, after the civilized world was already shocked to see photographs of US personnel feeding German POWs Coca-cola and cheeseburgers at OBDC.

Sore feelings were further inflamed when, in off-the-record remarks, Gen. Patton was rumored to have said that Mein Kampf came in pretty handy when he ran out of toilet paper in North Africa.

The White House Press secretary quickly issued a statement explaining that Gen. Patton’s comments had been taken out of context, while Dean Acheson was dispatched to the German Embassy to offer an official apology and a box of chocolates.

Gen. Marshall said on Thursday that the U.S. military had identified five incidents of "mishandling of Mein Kampf" by camp guards, including the use of one copy as a doorstop.

But Gen. Eisenhower said investigators had found no credible evidence that another copy was flushed down the W.C., as some detainees have alleged.

However, Gen. Eisenhower promised to conduct sensitivity seminars at West Point as soon as he returned from the war front.

Yet official assurances have done little to assuage the S.S., which considers Mein Kampf to be the literal word of the Fuhrer and treats every single copy with religious reverence.

At a hastily convened press conference, Sen. Alai Stevenson said that this was just another example of Pres. Roosevelt’s failed war policy. “How can we expect to defeat the Empire of Japan when we offend a potential ally like the Third Reich?” he said. “No wonder they hate us so!”


  1. ... Meanwhile, in a related story, former British prime minister Neville Chamberlain is selected to head a delegation to investigate the extent of the damage to Anglo-German relations from the recent Mein Kampf debacle... Developing...

    Seriously, though, that had me ROTFL! Thanks Steve for shedding some light on current events with such a pointed, and pointedly amusing, piece. ;-)


  2. Oops, I just realized that Chamberlain had passed away by 1944. Apologies...