Monday, March 14, 2011

"The Dark Side of Calvinism"

Premiering this fall is the latest CW teen drama: The Dark Side of Calvinism.

Bobby Brown is a nice, clean-cut Methodist boy who attends Trevecca Nazarene U with Alexis O’Keeffe, a high-spirited girl he’s known since first grade. 

Bobby is an Eagle Scout and high-school wrestler. In bed by nine every night. Doesn’t drink, dance, swear, or chew tobacco.

Alexis is fond of Bobby. He’s excellent husband material. Would make a reliable provider. Helpful around the house and yard. Good with small kids and small animals. Safe and sweet, like a Golden Retriever.  The kind of boy every mother wishes on her daughter.

Alexis is really the wrong sort of girl for Bobby, but he’s smitten by her passion, lustrous red hair, and flashing green eyes.

Unlike Bobby, Alexis isn’t in bed by nine every night. She has a wild streak. So she investigates a popular bar a few blocks from campus one night where she meets a twenty-something guy by the name of Constantin Carpathia.

Alexis finds herself irresistibly drawn to this brooding, Byronesque figure–with his throaty voice, aristocratic good looks, and vaguely Eastern European accent. They go for moonlight walks. Dance the tarantella.

He has a strange power over wild animals. And he always excuses himself just before sunup.

At one point he offers to initiate her into the forbidden mysteries of the decretum horribile.

Will Constantin turn her before Bobby can save her? 


  1. What in the heck kind of a name is Constantin Carpathia? That is about as Eastern European as orange chicken!

    Give him a good Transylvanian name, like Vasile Ardelean, or Mihály Fekete, or -- shoot -- Steven Nemes!

  2. It's the kind of faux E. European-sounding name a screenwriter for a CW vampiric teen drama would invent.

  3. Steven said...

    "Give him a good Transylvanian name, like...Steven Nemes!"

    When the casting director asks me for recommendations, I'll be sure to suggest you for the lead.

  4. Make my character have psychic powers; I've been bit by the parapsychology bug again recently...

    I could be a vampire that draws blood by PK -- the old neck-biting method is barbaric and unworthy of a modern day vampire!

  5. BTW, what actress should we cast to play your love interest?

  6. When Constantin turns someone into a vampire, does he turn the rest of the family as well, or wait for a profession of interest?

  7. The girl who plays Donna in Twin Peaks, but obviously as her younger self!

  8. In the age of digital enhancement, we can make the necessary adjustments.

    However, Mädchen Amick will be offended that she was passed over in Lara Boyle's favor. Beware a woman scorned!