Saturday, December 11, 2010

Emperor Pope Dave

Steve said:
Who speaks for Rome? A layman with a BA in sociology? A layman with no institutional standing in his denomination?

Or St. Robert Cardinal Bellarmine, Doctor of the Church?
I'm afraid His Most Holy and Immaculate Popiness Dave Armstrong would take issue with the point that he has no standing in the Roman Catholic Church.

After all, Emperor Pope (not to be confused with Emperor Penguin) Dave is a Roman Catholic epologist, evangelist, and top 61,326 best-selling author according to #1 online bookstore

Specifically, his qualifications to speak authoritatively for the Roman Catholic Church include:
  • Bachelor of Arts in Sociology (cum laude) from Wayne State University.
  • Considerable time spent informally studying theology, history, philosophy, and apologetics.
  • Approximately 2000 books in personal library.
  • Full-time author.
  • Facilitator of Online Apologetics and Discussion Group for the Coming Home Network.
  • Contributing editor to the Hands on Apologetics periodical.
  • Primary or sole author of the text of five evangelistic comic tracts for the Catholic Information League.
  • BTW, it should be noted that, whenever he speaks, 10% of the time Pope Dave is right 100% of the time. 100%! Incredible.
  • Update (quoting Dave Armstrong below): "six 'officially' published books, a dozen or so appearances on national Catholic radio, many articles in reputable apologetics magazines."
Of course, Pope Dave has done many things which would more than allow him to lay claim on being the absolute and authoritative voice of the RCC. But if every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.


  1. Maybe that will teach Dave how photoshopping is SUPPOSED to be done.

  2. you are invited to follow my blog

  3. This is disappointing news!

    Apparently I have been following the wrong Leader! Ooooops!

  4. Your post inspired within me this paean of praise:

    Long live Pope Dave!
    His praises sound
    Again and yet again:
    His rule is over space and time:
    His throne the heart of men:
    All hail! The Shepherd, Pope Dave of Rome,

    The theme of loving song:
    Let all the earth his glory sing
    And heav’n the strain prolong.

    Beleaguered by
    By the foes of earth,
    Beset by hosts of hell,
    He guards the loyal flock of Christ,

    A watchful sentinel:
    And yet, amid the din and strife,
    The clash of mace and sword,
    He bears alone the Shepherd Staff,
    The champion of the Lord.

    Then raise the chant,
    With heart and voice,
    In Church & school & home:
    "Long live the Shepherd of the Flock!

    Long live the Pope Dave of Rome!"
    Almighty Father bless his work,
    Protect him in his ways,
    Receive his prayer, fulfill his hopes,

    And grant him length of days!

    Don't forget to mention Pope Dave's unbroken chain of apostolic succession that leads all the way back to...uh...nevermind.

    In Him,

  5. Dave is often wrong, but never in doubt.

  6. Now that, good sir, is funny. However I fear that you may have angered Pope Dave. Beware. You may soon be the subject of a 290,000 word screed on Pope Dave's blog. That'll teach you to mess around with Pope Dave.

  7. Typos fixed:

    Interesting to note qualifications of mine that were left out, such as six "officially" published books, a dozen or so appearances on national Catholic radio, many articles in reputable apologetics magazines, etc.

    Better to deliberately leave those off: doesn't fit the agenda of propaganda for an already anti-Catholic, hostile audience.

    I'm not ashamed that I have no formal theological education, seeing that many of the most influential apologists (e.g., Chesterton: no college degree, and C. S. Lewis) were in exactly the same boat.

    What is truly curious and puzzling is a guy like Steve Hays with all his education, not being able to have anything published to save his life (so that he is confined to his own blog: something anyone can do). If he is so theologically superior to me with my lil' ol' sociology degree, I wonder why that is?

  8. Coram Deo is quite the poet. He should devote some of his talent to the glories of masturbation or Poor Clare dominatrixes (big themes on this blog in the past).

  9. I'm truly humbled that your excellency should take note of such a wretch as I.

    In Christ,

  10. Don't mention it. So when does the impressive saga about the advisability and excellency of masturbation appear? The Great Advocate of Masturbation as a Marital Warm-Up, Court Jester Steve Hays, would be greatly pleased indeed!

  11. Mr. Armstrong,

    I wonder if these words of wisdom apply to you?

    You could look in the mirror and have a good laugh? I stupidly thought I was going to gain something from reading your posts. And I did, however it is the understanding of just how one self-condemned reacts to someone having a good laugh at their expense.

    Here's what came to my mind after reading your posts above:

    Tit 3:10 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,
    Tit 3:11 knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

    Who gives a hoot about a person's educational levels and achievements and degrees anyway?

    What seems to be more important after one posts an article or a comment about the article posted or adding comments that build on the article for the mutual edification, something valuable, according to the Apostle Paul, a learned man, would be this:

    Php 4:9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

    All I have got to go on to judge another's words in here is the Spirit of God in Grace and Truth and the Word of Grace through Truth Himself.

    Judging your words above leads me to believe your sociology degree was a waste of good time and money and maybe, just maybe, a waste of other classmates time as well while they were in attendance with you as you mutually were going through the courses that produced the degree you seem to hold as relevant to this thread?

  12. Perhaps your suggested topic would be of some practical usefulness if the implications of its employment were explored by Rome as a possible substitute for predatory priests bothering altar boys?

    I'm pretty sure that it would be less scandalous for "the one true church", and less of a mess for the real Pope to clean pun intended!

    I'm also fairly certain that the phrase "the virgin's bottomless treasury of merit" wasn't originally coined as code-language for use by homosexual pedophile priests in reference to pre-pubescent boys' bare buttocks.

    This being said it does seem possible to set forth an argument that ritual sodomy could, over time, become yet another accretion peculiar to the Roman communion with meritorious benefits for the "blessed communicants".


  13. Anyone else find it a bit...creepy that Dave Armstrong is trying to turn a post about his egomaniacalism into a discussion on masturbation?

  14. For some reason, Catholics like Dave are obsessed with masturbation. Is poor old Dave sexually repressed? Does that account for his fixation with all things masturbatory?

  15. In the meantime, Dave is the frontman for an organization that systematically abuses underage minors. Nice to see his priorities in check.

  16. *blush* What do y'all immodest Prots have against gentler terms like onanism or dolphin-flogging or polishing St. Peter's statue? I do declare to the Holy Mother, reading your graphic comments on self-abuse, Priestly Pederasty and Sacred Sodomy make me feel as though I've strayed into a NAMBLA meeting inside a Vatican City bath house (such gatherings are invite-only; my full membership is still pending)! *gasp and swoon!*

    Shocked, scandalized and offended,
    Fr. Tex
    San Francisco Parish

  17. Shocked, scandalized and offended,
    Fr. Tex
    San Francisco Parish

    Father O'Grady, is that you - again?

    Have you met Douglas Perlitz?


  18. Mr. Pike:

    Yes - very.