Friday, October 09, 2009

Our secret weapon

I’ve just discovered a secret weapon to defeat the forces of godlessness.

Atheists recruited to be part of a lawsuit that is trying to rid government ceremonies such as the inauguration of a president of any invocation or other prayer have claimed they are made physically ill by prayer.

"As I watched the inauguration, my stomach did a somersault with disgust for how much our country was violating the constitution (sic), the most important document in our country," wrote a 15-year-old in testimony being given to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia.

"All the prayers made me feel excluded from the political process and a second-class citizen," wrote another. "But, when Chief Justice Roberts asked the president to say, 'So help me God,' I felt threatened and sick to my stomach."

The next step is for card-carrying members of the religious right to form roving prayer posses. Prayer posses will be stationed within earshot of strategic locations like the White House, Supreme Court, Capitol Hill, Harvard Yard, Berkeley, San Francisco, Sacramento, Hollywood, the UN, ACLU, CNN, NEA, New York Times, and so forth–to incapacitate godless liberals from promoting and implementing their godless policies. The sound of prayer will cause all godless liberals to double over in pain.

Prayers will also be uploaded onto iPods, and FedExed to members of the President’s Cabinet as well as members of the House Democratic Caucus.

In addition, subliminal prayers will be encoded in TV commercials, rock music, and AOL email–using backmasking and 25th frame effect.

As liberal paralysis spreads up and down the East Coast and the Left Coast, Taliban Republicans will be prepositioned to seize the reins of power and impose a Christian theocracy on the nation.

Surfer dudes will be required to dress like Mormon missionaries while Valley Girls will be required to dress like characters in Little House on the Prairie. Public school students shall be given remedial English courses in the King James Bible.


  1. Loved the post.I got it. With that being said: Who cares if they do take it away? It isn't as if their perfunctory prayers are being heard in the first place. Now if we can just get those "evangelicals" to preach the gospel with as much zeal as they do the republican message.

  2. "All the prayers made me feel excluded from the political process and a second-class citizen,"

    Ahhhhh, music to my ears

  3. [geeesh, prayerfully under my fingertips], I type, asking: "aren't you going out on a limb here"?

    The next thing to tackle would be this:::>

    Psa 46:8 Come, behold the works of the LORD, how he has brought desolations on the earth.
    Psa 46:9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.
    Psa 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"
    Psa 46:11 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah