I already wasted my life–now what?

A listener named Bruce writes in: “Dear Pastor John, I haven’t read your book, Don’t Waste Your Life. The title is convicting enough. The fact is that I have already wasted it; or at least it feels that way. For decades I tried a variety of different ‘careers.’ None of them worked. I tried starting my own business for over 20 years while my wife worked. I earned a PhD, moved to a country where I didn’t speak the language (for my wife’s job) and had a breakdown. Several years later, my wife and I separated. I’m now 64, I live in a small mobile home, and I do work that any 18-year-old could do (those are my boss’s words). The company is good to me, my boss is a Christian, and I can earn a living; but each day feels like nothing more than an exercise in waking up in the morning, getting through the day, and going to bed at night. What advice can you give to someone who has already wasted his life?”

https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/ive-already-wasted-my-life-now-what

Everyone's life can come to that point or feel that way. There's a lot to sort out:

i) From a Christian standpoint, very successful people can and do waste their lives. Worldly success is wasting the gift of life (1 Jn 2:15-17). Conversely, you can be a failure by worldly standards, but not be a failure by God's standards. And this life is only a blip. 

Jonathan Swift was very successful, yet he was a childless bachelor (like Leibniz, Handel, and Newton). "Stella" and "Vanessa" were at the emotional center of his life but both predeceased him, leaving him a lonely bitter old man. 

Or take aging entertainers who were wildly successful, but continue long after their prime. Their work is their life, so they can't let go. 

ii) Men are naturally goal-oriented, and if we achieve our major goals, then what? There's the simple goal of wanting to find a wife and raise a family. But what do you do for an encore? The dilemma is that if you succeed, then the rest of your life can feel like an exercise in waking up in the morning, getting through the day, and going to bed at night. 

A partial solution is to learn how to enjoy life without being so goal-oriented. Like walking on a moonlit beach. That has no goal, but it's very good in its own right. Not everything is a means to an end.  

iii) Of course, that doesn't work so well in his case due to loneliness. There's also the fact that this life is rather limiting. It tends to be downhill after a certain point, where for some of us the best years are now behind us.

Then you have people who never had a halcyon childhood to look back on with fondness. For them, the best isn't behind them or ahead of them–in this life. 

In that respect we need to cultivate heavenly-mindedness. Not to be delivered in this life but out of this life. 

iv) When Martin Lloyd-Jones was a young pastor, ministering in a mining town in Wales, one church member was an older man who lived alone. He had no living relatives. At one point he had a hellish, terrifying dream which was a catalyst for spiritual awakening. He used to attend the weekly prayer service. One time when his turn came, he prayed as if he was in the narthex of heaven. In fact, he died praying. In a sense, he wasted most of his life, yet he redeemed the time near the end of life.

Even if you're a senior citizen who wasted your life up to this point, there are things you can do to redeem the time. For instance, I'm sure there's a crying need for visitation ministry to shut-ins and nursing home residents. So many lost, lonely, forgotten souls. You can make a great difference in their lives, and they can make a great difference in your life. What ultimately matters is not how we began the race, or who's ahead on the backstretch, but crossing the finish line–and helping other struggling runners to cross the finish line. 

v) In fact, failure, disappointment, and brokenness in the prime of life can be a source of insight and sanctification. A chance to be a wounded healer to other wounded souls.