Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Mystery on Mars

NASA reports an “earthshaking” discovery on Mars (one for the “history books”), although spokemen are mum on the details, awaiting further confirmation. I’m laying bets on what they found. Here are leading contenders:

1. Twinkies
2. A velvet Elvis
3. Pink plastic flamingos
4. Atlantis
5. A putt-putt golf course
6. Sadam’s WMD
7. Carl Sagan
8. A Sani-can
9. Col. Sander’s secret recipe
10. Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate
11. A telescope facing our way
12. The Holy Grail
13. Jimmy Hoffa’s stiff
14. Flight 19
15. Space junk
16. The lost tribes of Israel
17. Justin Bieber’s manhood
18. El Dorado
19. The fountain of youth
20. Rosie O’Donnell’s talent
21. My car keys
22. The missing link
23. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
24. The Roanoke Colony
25. Andrew Garfield’s toupee
26. Will Robinson
27. Camelot
28. Bertrand Russell’s deathbed confession (“I take it all back!”)
29. A “No Trespassing” sign
30. The Palestinian homeland
31. A “No Littering” sign
32. Garden gnomes
33. Bill Maher’s brain
34. Precambrian rabbits
35. Britney Spears’s virtue
35. A rough draft of The Martian Chronicles
36. Rocks arranged to spell: “God is still alive and Nietzsche is still dead!”
37. An autographed, first edition of the Koran containing the original preface: “A burlesque in 114 chapters. Any resemblance to real events is purely coincidental.”


  1. 39. A piece of the true cross.

  2. 40. Russell's teapot (in fragments)

    41. Camelot

    42. The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything

    43. Shangri-La

    44. Xanadu

    45. Shambhala

    46. Agartha

    47. Kandor

    48. The Hyperboreans

    49. Ker-Ys

    50. Kim Stanley Robinson terraforming the red planet beginning with a complex series of canals

  3. Rocking,

    Excellent Kandor reference!

  4. Wow, they were not very forthcoming with any descriptions of what they found. Hence the broad range of possibilities offered here, I guess.

    1. Actually, I think Curiosity found a cat, but accidentally killed it.

      Since we can't have a dead cat on Mars, I implore NASA to launch the Satisfaction rover to bring it back.

  5. However, in case Curiosity discovered a hostile alien species, I recommend the immediate implementation of Operation Tin Foil Hat.

    Also, we may need to swap bullets and missiles for bacteria and other microorganisms.

  6. 51. The Gunman on the grassy knoll.