Sunday, January 23, 2011

How the Dawkins stole Christmas

Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot
But Dawkins, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT!
Dawkins hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Dawkins frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

“And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Dawkins fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST!

They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast.
Which was something Dawkins couldn’t stand in the least!
And then they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!

And the more Dawkins thought of this Who Christmas Sing,
The more Dawkins thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” Dawkins laughed in his throat.

After a little girl of six pointed out some flowers, Dawkins asked her what she thought flowers were for?

She gave a very thoughtful answer. "Two things," she said, "to make the world pretty and to help the bees make honey for us."

"Well, I thought that was a very nice answer and I was very sorry I had to tell her that it wasn't true. Her answer was not too different from the answer that most people throughout history would have given. The very first chapter of the Bible sets it out. Man has dominion over all living things. The animals and plants were there for our benefit. We are machines built by DNA whose purpose is to make more copies of the same DNA. Flowers are for the same thing as everything else in the living kingdoms, for spreading 'copy - me' programmes about, written in DNA language. That is EXACTLY what we are for. We are machines for propagating DNA, and the propagation of DNA is a self sustaining process. It is every living objects' sole reason for living."

For more sleep-inducing adventures and narrow-minded escapades, check out Dickie Dawkins when he was a kid!


  1. 15 Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. 16 But Jesus called them to him, saying, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 17 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." Luke 18:15-17

  2. Dawkins hates Christmas? I'm beginning to like the guy.