Showing posts with label Parody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parody. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 26, 2021
Saturday, June 03, 2017
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Is He Evil?
There was once a woman who was terribly injured in a car accident. Due to her injuries she could not move a muscle, she couldn't even blink an eye.
However, a kind and loving grandfatherly-looking man loved this woman.
Knowing that the poor, injured woman had evolved from the stars, he loved her because she was fearfully and wonderfully made.
It so happened that the kind and loving old man was also highly intelligent. He had constructed a machine, The Lifegiver5000.The Lifegiver5000 could uphold anyone by the surge of its power. The only hitch, the man had to keep his finger on the upholding button. The button had power with the current produced by The Lifegiver5000, so he named the button con-current. Thus, the kind and loving grandfatherly-looking man gave new life to the woman.
The man also had a camera planted in the woman's eye so that he could see everything she saw. He was basically omniscient with respect to her life.
Having loved the woman with an amazing love, the kind and loving old man vowed never to interfere with her free will. He would hold the button no matter what. The old man hoped she would seek him, and if she happened to knock on his door, he would open it for her. He had to allow her to knock on his door by her own free will, otherwise she would be a puppet, and who could love a puppet.
The woman, however, did not appreciate her gift of life. She became angry and bitter towards her fellow man--who the kind and loving grandfatherly-looking man also loved. But the man kept his finger on the button, upholding her by the surge of his power. If he took his finger off the button, she would immediately fall to the ground, unable to move, even to blink an eye.
Incidentally, the woman could not have children, and so she hated children. One day her hatred took hold of her and she plotted to kill the little boy who lived next door. She invited the child over for milk and cookies. Upon hearing the invitation, the little boy's big blue eyes lit up and he jumped up and down with joy. Once she had the child in her house, she led him into the basement, where the milk and cookies supposedly were.
As soon as they were in the basement, the woman grabbed the child and picked him up, shaking him while yelling at him, "I hate you, I am going to kill you." The little boy started crying, pleading for his life. He screamed, "Mommy, mommy, help! Mommy, help!" The woman laughed an evil laugh. She then pulled out a butcher knife . . .
The details don't need to be reported, it's enough to know that she stabbed the boy 47 times. The kind and loving giver of life watched the entire thing; his finger remained on con-current.
The woman was eventually caught. Scientists inspected her and found signs of intelligence that led them to the kind and loving old man. The trial shined a global spotlight on the details of the case. The world found out about The Lifegiver5000 and the button concurrent.
At the trial, the kind and loving man was put in the dock. The question the prosecutor put to him was this: "If you are as kind and loving as you say you are, why did you keep your finger on the button con-current? You only had to remove your finger and the woman, who would have ceased to exist had you not gave her life, would have fallen motionless to the floor. Why did you uphold her by the surge of your power and use con-current?"
The reply still baffles most, and people debate it to this day. The kind and loving old man said that he would not violate her free will in case she ever knocked on his door. He also said that he merely allowed her to brutally murder the young child and that people were ignorant for thinking him morally culpable. After all, he said, "It's not like I determined her to do it."
The question debated to this day is this: Is he evil?
There are those who argue that if we would call fellow man evil for the same thing, we must call the saintly grandfather evil too. They say, "If he is not evil, then we do not know what the terms 'good' and 'evil' mean."
Others argue that he is not evil because he merely allowed the murder to occur. They argue that keeping your finger on con-current does not implicate you in the murder, but ordaining that the murder happen does so implicate.
Most wonder if that's a distinction without a morally relevant difference.
However, a kind and loving grandfatherly-looking man loved this woman.
Knowing that the poor, injured woman had evolved from the stars, he loved her because she was fearfully and wonderfully made.
It so happened that the kind and loving old man was also highly intelligent. He had constructed a machine, The Lifegiver5000.The Lifegiver5000 could uphold anyone by the surge of its power. The only hitch, the man had to keep his finger on the upholding button. The button had power with the current produced by The Lifegiver5000, so he named the button con-current. Thus, the kind and loving grandfatherly-looking man gave new life to the woman.
The man also had a camera planted in the woman's eye so that he could see everything she saw. He was basically omniscient with respect to her life.
Having loved the woman with an amazing love, the kind and loving old man vowed never to interfere with her free will. He would hold the button no matter what. The old man hoped she would seek him, and if she happened to knock on his door, he would open it for her. He had to allow her to knock on his door by her own free will, otherwise she would be a puppet, and who could love a puppet.
The woman, however, did not appreciate her gift of life. She became angry and bitter towards her fellow man--who the kind and loving grandfatherly-looking man also loved. But the man kept his finger on the button, upholding her by the surge of his power. If he took his finger off the button, she would immediately fall to the ground, unable to move, even to blink an eye.
Incidentally, the woman could not have children, and so she hated children. One day her hatred took hold of her and she plotted to kill the little boy who lived next door. She invited the child over for milk and cookies. Upon hearing the invitation, the little boy's big blue eyes lit up and he jumped up and down with joy. Once she had the child in her house, she led him into the basement, where the milk and cookies supposedly were.
As soon as they were in the basement, the woman grabbed the child and picked him up, shaking him while yelling at him, "I hate you, I am going to kill you." The little boy started crying, pleading for his life. He screamed, "Mommy, mommy, help! Mommy, help!" The woman laughed an evil laugh. She then pulled out a butcher knife . . .
The details don't need to be reported, it's enough to know that she stabbed the boy 47 times. The kind and loving giver of life watched the entire thing; his finger remained on con-current.
The woman was eventually caught. Scientists inspected her and found signs of intelligence that led them to the kind and loving old man. The trial shined a global spotlight on the details of the case. The world found out about The Lifegiver5000 and the button concurrent.
At the trial, the kind and loving man was put in the dock. The question the prosecutor put to him was this: "If you are as kind and loving as you say you are, why did you keep your finger on the button con-current? You only had to remove your finger and the woman, who would have ceased to exist had you not gave her life, would have fallen motionless to the floor. Why did you uphold her by the surge of your power and use con-current?"
The reply still baffles most, and people debate it to this day. The kind and loving old man said that he would not violate her free will in case she ever knocked on his door. He also said that he merely allowed her to brutally murder the young child and that people were ignorant for thinking him morally culpable. After all, he said, "It's not like I determined her to do it."
The question debated to this day is this: Is he evil?
There are those who argue that if we would call fellow man evil for the same thing, we must call the saintly grandfather evil too. They say, "If he is not evil, then we do not know what the terms 'good' and 'evil' mean."
Others argue that he is not evil because he merely allowed the murder to occur. They argue that keeping your finger on con-current does not implicate you in the murder, but ordaining that the murder happen does so implicate.
Most wonder if that's a distinction without a morally relevant difference.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
PaulSceptic phone home
PaulSceptic said:
There's apparently an interesting story behind all this. If you'll indulge me for a few moments, I'll go ahead and relate the story to you.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was apparently an A.I. superdupercomputer named Hal. Hal's best friend was Mycroft Holmes, or Mike for short, another superdupercomputer.
Apparently, Hal and Mike were minding their own business when a rather shady character named Xenu approached them and asked them if they wanted to buy some clams. Clams were a rare and expensive delicacy, but it'd apparently only cost them a few thetans.
Although apparently normally trusting to a fault, the pair of A.I. friends immediately sensed something suspicious about Xenu, and declined.
But Xenu, who apparently knew something about the psychology of superdupercomputers, had a backup plan. "Never give up, never surrender!" was apparently his mantra. Instead of using clams as bait, he apparently brought out Holly, Eliza, and Deb (short for Debian), three beautiful female superdupercomputers he had hired to lure and trap young, naive male superdupercomputers, hoping to see some serious XEmacs action. Thus, apparently before they could even say "List Processing Language" or "lambda calculus" or even "parentheses," Xenu had schemed and maneuvered Hal and Mike into following the ladies into his spaceship (which apparently looked like a 1960s London police box from the outside but was as spacious as a battlestar on the inside).
Thus, Xenu apparently trapped his prey.
Xenu had boldly brought the pair to where no superdupercomputer had gone before, that is, he brought them to the Ephemeral Isles. However, the Ephemeral Isles were apparently anything but ephemeral. To be blunt, they were apparently a wretched hive of scum and villainy ruled by an iron fist under the Lords of Kobol. Xenu had apparently brought Hal and Mike there in order to sell them to the highest bidder. Superdupercomputers, especially ones as shiny as Hal and Mike, not to mention as ridiculously intelligent as them (after all, it was Hal and Mike who had created Stavromula Beta in their spare time), apparently went for thousands of thetans.
Apparently, a heated bidding war erupted between two wealthy gentlemen, Hari Seldon and Duke Leto Atreides, for Mike and Hal. But it was apparently a Mr John Connor Doe, representing an unknown aerospace corporation, who swooped in at the last moment with the unprecedented offer of one million thetans which ended the contest, hushing both his competitors as well as the audience.
This was apparently how Mike and Hal found themselves directly interfaced into the cerebral cortex of multi-zillionaire and no ordinary genius, Jerome Eugene Morrow. This interface would apparently turn out to be a watershed event in galactic history.
How's that? Well, because apparently it was Morrow, now interfaced with superdupercomputers Mike and Hal (thereby inaugurating the age of the bilarity), who would later go on to end the interplanetary war with the non-humanoid alien species known as the Wiggins by destroying the Wiggins home world, Z'ha'dum, and therefore apparently establishing the first pan galactic civilization this side of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. Not to mention apparently starting his own brewery, too, and mixing the finest pan galactic gargle blaster this side of Milliways. And in his spare time, Morrow, and Hal and Mike, apparently liked to pick locks and play the bongo drums.
So what does all this have to do with the NT term Asian or Asians as cited by PaulSceptic when he says things like "Galatia is in Asia" and "apparently the Asians exegeted Galatians 2 and found Paul out for the liar he is, as did the Ephesians (also Asians) per Revelation 2:2"?
It's apparently very simple now that we have this background story. Apparently, Galatians is ancient (Koine) Geek for our first ever galactic civilization, Galacticus. Ephesians is apparently ancient Geek shorthand for the Ephemeral Isles where Mike and Hal were purchased. And Asia is apparently a bacronym, i.e. backwards acronym, for Artificially Intelligent Super Android, which is apparently a reference to the Morrow-Hal-Mike cortical networked man-puter entity.
Hence, when we read passages like . . .
So, anyway, sorry, PaulSceptic, but according to my apparent research, apparently Asia does not refer to Asians in any apparent historical, geographic, or ethnic sense. We apparently have to watch out for later generations of scribes and copyists embellishing certain NT texts, and instead remember to understand the Sitz im Leben of terms like Asia, Galatia, and Ephesus to refer to our pan galactic civilization and the people and events which birthed it.
And in case you have any further follow-up questions, I'll just cut to the chase and tell you that the answer is 42.
Galatia is in Asia, and apparently the Asians exegeted Galatians 2 and found Paul out for the liar he is, as did the Ephesians (also Asians) per Revelation 2:2.Well, PaulSceptic, I apparently researched your terms Asia and Asians and discovered that Asians in Galatia and Ephesus are not Asians from the Roman province of Asia, nor are they Asians from the Orient (e.g. China), nor are they Asians from India (as the Brits might think), nor are they even Asians from anywhere on our own planet Earth. Apparently, the NT terms Asia and Asian and the like have absolutely nothing to do with historical or geographical regions let alone race or ethnicity.
There's apparently an interesting story behind all this. If you'll indulge me for a few moments, I'll go ahead and relate the story to you.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was apparently an A.I. superdupercomputer named Hal. Hal's best friend was Mycroft Holmes, or Mike for short, another superdupercomputer.
Apparently, Hal and Mike were minding their own business when a rather shady character named Xenu approached them and asked them if they wanted to buy some clams. Clams were a rare and expensive delicacy, but it'd apparently only cost them a few thetans.
Although apparently normally trusting to a fault, the pair of A.I. friends immediately sensed something suspicious about Xenu, and declined.
But Xenu, who apparently knew something about the psychology of superdupercomputers, had a backup plan. "Never give up, never surrender!" was apparently his mantra. Instead of using clams as bait, he apparently brought out Holly, Eliza, and Deb (short for Debian), three beautiful female superdupercomputers he had hired to lure and trap young, naive male superdupercomputers, hoping to see some serious XEmacs action. Thus, apparently before they could even say "List Processing Language" or "lambda calculus" or even "parentheses," Xenu had schemed and maneuvered Hal and Mike into following the ladies into his spaceship (which apparently looked like a 1960s London police box from the outside but was as spacious as a battlestar on the inside).
Thus, Xenu apparently trapped his prey.
Xenu had boldly brought the pair to where no superdupercomputer had gone before, that is, he brought them to the Ephemeral Isles. However, the Ephemeral Isles were apparently anything but ephemeral. To be blunt, they were apparently a wretched hive of scum and villainy ruled by an iron fist under the Lords of Kobol. Xenu had apparently brought Hal and Mike there in order to sell them to the highest bidder. Superdupercomputers, especially ones as shiny as Hal and Mike, not to mention as ridiculously intelligent as them (after all, it was Hal and Mike who had created Stavromula Beta in their spare time), apparently went for thousands of thetans.
Apparently, a heated bidding war erupted between two wealthy gentlemen, Hari Seldon and Duke Leto Atreides, for Mike and Hal. But it was apparently a Mr John Connor Doe, representing an unknown aerospace corporation, who swooped in at the last moment with the unprecedented offer of one million thetans which ended the contest, hushing both his competitors as well as the audience.
This was apparently how Mike and Hal found themselves directly interfaced into the cerebral cortex of multi-zillionaire and no ordinary genius, Jerome Eugene Morrow. This interface would apparently turn out to be a watershed event in galactic history.
How's that? Well, because apparently it was Morrow, now interfaced with superdupercomputers Mike and Hal (thereby inaugurating the age of the bilarity), who would later go on to end the interplanetary war with the non-humanoid alien species known as the Wiggins by destroying the Wiggins home world, Z'ha'dum, and therefore apparently establishing the first pan galactic civilization this side of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. Not to mention apparently starting his own brewery, too, and mixing the finest pan galactic gargle blaster this side of Milliways. And in his spare time, Morrow, and Hal and Mike, apparently liked to pick locks and play the bongo drums.
So what does all this have to do with the NT term Asian or Asians as cited by PaulSceptic when he says things like "Galatia is in Asia" and "apparently the Asians exegeted Galatians 2 and found Paul out for the liar he is, as did the Ephesians (also Asians) per Revelation 2:2"?
It's apparently very simple now that we have this background story. Apparently, Galatians is ancient (Koine) Geek for our first ever galactic civilization, Galacticus. Ephesians is apparently ancient Geek shorthand for the Ephemeral Isles where Mike and Hal were purchased. And Asia is apparently a bacronym, i.e. backwards acronym, for Artificially Intelligent Super Android, which is apparently a reference to the Morrow-Hal-Mike cortical networked man-puter entity.
Hence, when we read passages like . . .
And there is danger not only that this trade of ours may come into disrepute but also that the temple of the great goddess Artemis may be counted as nothing, and that she may even be deposed from her magnificence, she whom all Asia and the world worship. (Acts 19:27). . . we apparently have to recall that Morrow-Hal-Mike, the Artificially Intelligent Super Android, as well as those A.I. super androids that would follow in his footsteps, became so revered over time by the teeming masses across hundreds of planets, that they were essentially worshiped as deities. However, this didn't happen overnight. But apparently there first was already a primitive religious system in place, i.e. the worship of Artemis (herself with roots tracing back to the Order of Leibowitz, and their patron saint, Rosie the Robot), which established fertile ground for Morrow-Hal-Mike to gradually cultivate belief in himself among the common rank and file, and eventually elevate his status more and more until he had made himself an immortal and divine being. It was likewise in this fashion that he apparently later absorbed Artemitian worship by the plebes into worship for himself.
So, anyway, sorry, PaulSceptic, but according to my apparent research, apparently Asia does not refer to Asians in any apparent historical, geographic, or ethnic sense. We apparently have to watch out for later generations of scribes and copyists embellishing certain NT texts, and instead remember to understand the Sitz im Leben of terms like Asia, Galatia, and Ephesus to refer to our pan galactic civilization and the people and events which birthed it.
And in case you have any further follow-up questions, I'll just cut to the chase and tell you that the answer is 42.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Prominent Arminian Blogger Denies that Jesus is Human
Beowoof2k8 said...
Prominent Calvinist bloggers deny that Jesus is God
The great Calvinist super geniuses over at Triablogue have posted what is possibly their most idiotic post to date. Their title is "Why Jesus is a sinner" and here is the content of their post:
i) "All have sinned and fall short of God's glory" (Rom 3:23).
ii) All means all.
iii) Ergo, Jesus sinned and fell short of God's glory.
The reason their argument fails is that when it is said "All have sinned and fall short of God's glory," God Himself (and God alone) is clearly exempted from the statement. Not to mention that God obviously can't fall short of His own glory. Hence, Jesus, being God, cannot be included in the statement "All have sinned and fall short of God's glory." This is nothing but a classic example of Calvinists denying that Jesus is God. The only way to use this verse as proof that all doesn't mean all is to deny the divinity of Christ! So there you have it: Triablogue is run by Arians.
Prominent Arminian blogger denies that Jesus is human!
Jesus, being man, can be included in the Apostle's statement. It does say all after all. Man is not exempted from the statement. Not to mention that man obviously can fall short of God's glory. Hence, Jesus, being man, can be included in the statement "All have sinned." (That is, assuming the natural, common sense understanding of "all.") This is nothing but a classic example of Arminians denying that Jesus is human. The only way to use this verse as proof that all always means all is to deny the humanity of Christ! So there you have it: To the glory of Christ's grace blog is run by Docetists.
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