To: Comrades
From: Steve
Re: Rhology
Comrades,
I’m afraid our erstwhile teammate, Rhology, has been making
impertinent comments about my post on the spiritual gifts. He’s clearly
possessed. You can almost catch a whiff of sulfer under his breath.
I’m assuming an evil spirit entered him in his sleep. Most
likely a succubus. They’re the worst. You must always wear a breath mask when
you sleep.
Urgent intervention is required to rescue his imperiled soul
from the clutches of the dark side.
Patrick can bring the chloroform. We’ll need to rent a van
without side windows. And take him to an abandoned warehouse.
We should pay that nice waitress at Hooters to drive, so
that if we’re stopped by the cops, she can sweet-talk the policeman out of
checking the back of the van.
I’ll borrow a copy of the Rituale Romanum from Evan to
perform the rite of exorcism. Demons only speak Medieval Latin. When dealing
with really intransigent demons, we sometimes need to use Malleus Maleficarum
as a back up.
Which reminds me, I must consult Derek Prince’s They Shall
Expel Demons to find out which evil spirit is bedeviling Rhology. The list is
long. You have to be on a first-name basis with the demon to make any headway.
Steve said, as he pulled the check out of his pocket and glanced at it one more time. The clear black hand-written letters on the bottom right identified the signee as Kenneth Copeland. He turned it over and comtemplated the note written on the back: "A little reward for easing the Reformed community into the mandates of Pentecostalism." Steve stuffed the check back into his pocket and, hesitating for a moment, clicked "Submit."
ReplyDeleteTouch not the Lord's anointed, y'all.
ReplyDeleteDemons only speak Medieval Latin.
ReplyDeleteLOL
The legions of Hell are quaking in their boots now that you have revealed in public how to exorcise them.
"Patrick can bring the chloroform."
ReplyDeleteIt might help make the process smoother if there's also some alcohol and ether in the concoction per an ACE mixture. Double, double toil and trouble! Fire burn, and caldron bubble! ;-)
I'm, um, going out. If you need me, I'll be at the gun store.
ReplyDelete