Saturday, June 26, 2010

Liberty U

Some Christians have been confused by Liberty University’s token disciplinary action in the Caner affair. If he was guilty of rampant resume inflation, why not just fire him?

However, one of my moles in the office of Provost explained to me that Liberty U has a graded penalty scale for different types of official misconduct, depending on the gravity of the offense. Here’s the breakdown (in ascending order of severity).

i) Resume inflation:

Demotion from deanship to full professorship.

ii) Grand theft auto:

Demotion from full professorship to associate professorship.

iii) Bank robbery:

Demotion from associate professorship to assistant professorship.

iv) Arson:

Demotion from assistant professorship to adjunct professorship.

v) Conversion to Calvinism:



  1. Conversion to Calvinism is akin to apostasy, huh?

  2. @Steven: not merely apostasy, but blasphemy!

  3. I believe number 4 is wrong!

    After the fire and the building is no more, then what?

    Ok, maybe they have enough humility to rent trailers until the building is rebuilt with better adjunct professorships!

    Methinks I answered my complaint!

    They do have adjunct professorship fire insurance[s] don't they?

  4. Steve,

    As you probably know Liberty actually has it's own demerit system for certain activities by students. And I've said in the past, I don't think Jesus would make the cut at Liberty.

  5. What thou meanest to be humour...


    "Be careful what you wish for..."

  6. The pay scale is so different for adjunct jobs that they could probably rebuild the building quickly with a constant budget.

  7. Not quite, Steve...

    To put it in 'Liberty language', the list should be like this:

    i) Resume Misstatements
    ii) Automobile misallocation
    iii) Capital Misappropriation
    iv) Abuse of energy