Monday, December 14, 2009

Double Dave


“But I get the impression that y'all would be shocked to death if you find that I make it, or Beckwith or Scott Hahn, or any number of us apostate converts. If we do, it'll be by the skin of our teeth.”

Well, Gabriel tells me that upper management has commuted the sentence of Gerry Matatics in light of his many unwitting contributions to the Protestant faith once delivered.

As for Armstrong, I do remember reading something about his eternal fate in the Sibylline Oracles. The Greek hexameters are a bit tricky to parse, but making due allowance for the interpretive obscurities, it went something like this:

When he kicks the bucket, Dave will wake up on the other side to find himself in a 6x8 cell. His bunkmate will be Double Dave. Double Dave is a duplicate of Dave. When they’re not bickering over who gets the bottom bunk, Double Dave will recite The Collected Poetry of Dave Armstrong at all hours of the late night and the late late night. (There is no day there, just night…and more night).

Needless to say, that destiny will make Dante’s Inferno look like an episode from Fantasy Island.


  1. "His bunkmate will be Double Dave."

    What if there's a last-minute substitution and his replacement for eternity is Steve Hays?



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    I'm Dave Armstrong, and I approved this message.

  4. ROFL

    Uncle Dave,the Christmas gift that keeps on giving...