Thursday, March 05, 2009


I notice that Catholic epologists constantly impugn the character of Turretin Fan because he retains his anonymity. Due to his sensitive dossier, TF is not at liberty to divulge his true identity.

Under the circumstances, I think it’s necessary for me to come to the defense of his much-maligned honor.

The real TF is a retired CIA officer. Because it’s classified, I’m not at liberty to tell you exactly what position he held, but let’s just say that TF is the American equivalent of George Smiley.

Due to his distinguished career in counterespionage, TF can’t reveal his true identity without endangering the lives of his many undercover contacts.

He’s a happily married man, although I’m not at liberty to disclose the real name of his wife (her code name is Josephine). They divide their time between Lake Como and Paris, Texas.


  1. Thanks for that Steve, - very helpful explanation. I knew he had good reasons.

  2. I have it on good authority that he was associated with a secret CIA time travel program. He learned he could only travel back in time Seven Days; he also learned that one can't do otherwise...;)

  3. Fascinating. Steve's post is 2:01 pm today; TF's post, mentioning this one, is 9:50 pm.

  4. I heard he had a butler named Alfred, and when he goes to write, he slides down a pole into a secret cavern below his mansion.

  5. So Steve, how high did you say your "security" clearance is? :)

    What was the waiver submitted so that you could gloss his true identity in such parabolic terms?

    But, I suppose he is furious with you seeing you have dragged his wife into this whole affair? How unfair of you, shame, shame, I say, shame! :)

  6. Ken Temple, TurretinFan, and Steve Hays are fictional creations of Dave Armstrong, who himself is a fictional creation of James White, who himself is a real life creation of Opus Dei, who themselves are a creation of me, who is a creation of the last remaining initiate of the Templar Order who lives in a jar kept under the altar of the church of John Calvin in Geneva. So, what is the motive? I just do what the guy in the jar tells me to do.

  7. Hello Steve,

    So, anonymity is OK if it endorses a Reformed cause, but is evil is it portrays a contrary opinion against a Reformed individual…

    James White’s diatribe

    Got it; crystal clear…


  8. oops..."if it", not "is it"...happy fingers tonight!!!

  9. AH! So what you are saying is, TF has made a career out of LYING. Nice. Just... Nice. I bet he voted Democrat too.

  10. the Puritan -
    very funny !

    I have always wondered if my family name goes back to the "Templars" - the knights in Jerusalem. (Scottish and English)

  11. Ha, the duplicitous lifestyle of one Turrentinfan, I wonder if anyone is now missing due to such a disclosure...?