Friday, September 14, 2007

Elective reincarnation

“At 72, the Dalai Lama, who has lived in India since 1959, is beginning to plan his succession, saying that he refuses to be reborn in Tibet so long as it's under Chinese control.”

So the Dalai Lama can decide where or where not to be reborn. This raises a number of logistical questions.

How far up the Buddhist ladder of enlightenment must you progress before you have the clout to dictate the location of your next reincarnation? Does Steven Segal have a piece of the action?

And how, exactly, do you go about booking reservations for the next life? Is there a switchboard that you can call? Does it have a toll-free number, or is the number unlisted? In any event, it sounds like a long distance call.

Still, it would be useful to have the number on speed-dial just in case you see an 18-wheeler accidentally cross the median and continue in your direction. (This would also be a really bad time for dropped calls.)

And suppose there are no vacancies. I mean, what if I want to be reborn in Monte Carlo, and a number of other Tibetan monks want to be reborn in Monte Carlo? Can I bump one of them—or vice versa? Is there a standby system in case somebody cancels his metempsychotic reservations? Is there a surcharge for last-minute cancellations or no-shows?


  1. Another question that it raises is regarding the future of the Free Tibet movement: With no Dalai Lama as a spokesperson/ambassador/cultural icon, the Free Tibet movement is doomed.

    The Dalai are an oppresive theocratic class that, until the Chinese infiltrated the Tibetan plateau, lived a life of decadence, while the peasantry suffered under extreme poverty. The Dalai Lama used to get 6-figure subsidies from the U.S. government until a couple of decades ago, and that is when he took his show on the road.

    When he does die, they will pick a Tibetan child, regardless of his wishes, because their fading chances at autonomy will evaporate without a spokesperson to appeal to Hollywood and wannabe Buddists everywhere.

  2. He gets to decide about those things because he is sincere and such a nice guy...just like all who are sincere will go to paradise, because we all know that sincerity is a perfectly suitable substitute for truth...

  3. I believe the current Dalai Lama is an imposter. He's no spiritual leader. He doesn't represent Tibetan Buddhists let alone anything wider such as the Free Tibet movement.

    I mean, I don't know about all of you, but I for one saw the movie Little Buddha, so I know who the "real" Dalai Lama is. I know who's "The One." And it ain't Tenzin Gyatso. No, his name is Keanu Reeves.


    That's right, "free your mind."

  4. What a maroon!!!!

    I think talking snakes and plants are SO much more logical.

  5. "I think talking snakes and plants are SO much more logical."

    Would Anonymous care to point out the talking plants in the Bible?

  6. Anonymous said:
    What a maroon!!!!

    I think talking snakes and plants are SO much more logical.


    I think someone who confuses a moron with a shade of color ("maroon") is, himself, a pretty promising candidate for the moronic category.

  7. Sorry, Patrick, but I beg to differ. My money is on that cute little kid in Eddie Murphy's The Golden Child.

  8. From

    1. maroon

    A term of derision often uttered by Bugs Bunny when referring to an interaction with a dopey adversary. It is a mispronunciation of the word "Moron"

    "What a Maroon!" "Will ya get a load of this maroon"

    If it works for Bugs, it works for me. What rock have you been under all these years, Steve? Ever watch WB cartoons as a kid?


  9. He could be re-incarnated as a Baptist, but then he'd have to take up an antagonistic attitude toward his fellow brethren, so he'll probably just hope for the best when the day comes.

  10. Well, if Bugs Bunny is the standard of comparison, then we have lots of talking animals to choose from, ranging from Daffy Duck, Wile E. Coyote, and the Tasmanian Devil ("Taz") to our favorite talking wabbit.

  11. Hahaha,
    Triablogue bloggers have some funny humor!
    What a weird comment box sometimes you guys got going
    Your brother in Christ

  12. If I came back as a Triablogger, would that mean I've done well in this life, or that I needed to be taken down a notch?

  13. gordan said:

    "If I came back as a Triablogger, would that mean I've done well in this life, or that I needed to be taken down a notch?"

    To be reincarnated as a T-blogger would mean that you were having to work off some big-time bad karma. Punishment of this severity is generally reserved for Arminians or Democrats.

  14. Oh God, please do not let me come back as a Triablogger!!!!