Saturday, March 11, 2006

Soup-kitchen dubitantes

In the short time that John Lotus has been blogging, he’s added the following team members to his blog: Babinski, Barker, exbeliever, Former Fundy, Matthew Green, Joe Holman, and Farrell Till.


He must of done the circuit of every bar and soup-kitchen in town to recruit every washed-up minister, has-been believer, and wannabe wastrel, dry them out, dress them up, and shove them onstage to amuse the boozy clientele of his clip-joint.

Like the overripe crooner, stand-up comic, Elvis-impersonator, or circus clown who’s down on his luck and deep in his cups, Debunking Christianity has become the hang-out of small-timers eyeing to make a name for themselves, not by what they’ve done, but by who they knew.

You know the type—the guy who rats out the boss by selling his story to the National Inquirer as payback when he’s fired for coming to work one too many times skunk-drunk.

Think of Dino doing his tipsy routine—he of slurred speech and glassy-eyed gaze, talking his way through the numbers while falling into the orchestra pit.

Where have we seen all this before? Yes, that’s right…in those paid programs on cable TV. You know, the kind that come on after 1AM or so. The kind that advertise penile implants and hair replacements—or is it hair implants and penile replacements? I can never remember. Psychic advice and pyramid schemes.

Yes, friends, God is dead. Now you too can die like a dog! Announcing the self-service guillotine. Designed by Dr. Jack Kevorkian. The most trusted name in autocide.

This is an exclusive offer. Not sold in stores. Order within the next 30 minutes and you will also receive a 7-day supply of cyanide tablets, absolutely free!

A $100 value, yours for only $19.99. Money-back guarantee. If not completely satisfied, return, with severed head (as proof of purchase), for full refund.


  1. Recently, Loftus posted this email on his blog:

    As a former fundy (and a currently ordained, although deconverted minister pastoring a church!), I greatly appreciate your honest and excellent writing! I'm very much in the theological closet and wish to remain totally anonymous for now, and I'm sure you can understand that.

    This is the problem when pastors are neglected to be pastored. Pastors need pastoring, too. I believe that if pastors had the adequate care and support from both below and above them, those with spurious faith would be given saving faith, and those weak in faith would become mature in faith.

    If true accountability, true fellowship, and true friendships existed in the church, the situation where you have an atheist dressed in ministerial clothes, lurking in the church as an unnoticed apostate, would be virtually impossible. If biblical fellowship were to be applied even to pastors and elders, (men in the lives of other men, there to ask probing questions that stir one another on in faith), the fakes would be quickly exposed, and the new-borns would be quickly matured.


  2. ...on that note, how much do you want to bet that these apostate ministers once pastored in a church that lacked a plurality of elders, or that lacked an adequate type of apostolic oversight? They were probably given the impossible task of pastoring a significantly large church all by themselves...a task that makes it no wonder why they were pushed out of the faith.

  3. "honest and excellent writing!"

    Evan, are you even sure that this is a real e-mail? If so, then there's another pastor out there who thinks that Cain and Able were kicked out of the Garden and Paul never quotes Jesus. So, you can add to the above that along with not having the proper support the pastor lacks the best support, the sturdy rock, the Words of God.

    Isn't failing to study and read your Bible one main reason why these men found themselves in trouble? I think so. They have no knowledge and understanding, so they refuse to crack open the text and study God's word (no one said I was going to have to study when I became a pastor!).

    What is most underhanded, is that these men show that they obviously are very unfamiliar with the Bible, yet they claim that studying the Bible is one reason that they left the faith. No, what happened is that they never studied the Bible, then they had a moral problem and didn't want to submit to God, so *then* they "studied" the Bible and were shocked(!) to find that it mentions talking snakes and donkies! Then they say, "how could I have ever believed this?!"

    Pastors, study the word.

  4. what amazes me is how the supposedly intellectually elite atheists practically drink the bathwater of our worst apostates! When one of our own decides they would rather become a playboy and chase skirts and taste the jetsetter life and seduce nubile undergrads, the atheists act as if they have just canonized one of their newest "saints". Yet, I will bet you the atheist community cannot name five of our leading medical missionaries currently in full time volunteer medical work!