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Sunday, April 07, 2019

Do men talk about their feelings?

Women complain that men don't talk about their feelings. At least that's a cliche I've heard for as long as I can remember. However, in my admittedly anecdotal experience, many men do talk about their feelings. The reason more women aren't aware of that is because men generally share their feelings with other men! They confide in male friends.

Assuming that men are less likely to express their feelings with women, why is that? Again, I'm no expert, but women have a reputation for dredging up the past when they argue with their husband or boyfriend. I can't say how representative that is, but it's not based on nothing.

A man would be foolish to open up to a woman if he knows she's going to use that against him to win an argument. So I suspect that may be a major reason why men are more likely to open up around other men than with their wife or girlfriend. Just a hunch. 

In addition, there's a certain paradox in male friendship. On the one hand, men are naturally competitive with other men, so you might think they'd be reticent about letting down their guard and showing any sign of weakness. On the other hand, since men are psychologically alike, there's no particular shame in sharing emotions and experiences that are common to men. Moreover, I think men are more inclined to put things behind them rather than having a mental record of every word, deed, misdeed, or perceived failure on instant replay. 

These are, of course, broad generalizations with many exceptions. But if a wife or girlfriend wants a guy to let her on how he's feeling, she can't simultaneously turn that against him to win an argument. That's a betrayal of trust. It will be rewarded with resentment, and drive guys to confide in other guys. 

BTW, my enecounters with women over the years has generally been quite positive, so I'm not speaking from bitter personal experience. I'm not unloading or venting. Rather, I'm speaking on behalf of other guys whose experience is less agreeable than mine. 

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