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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Shopping for concrete galoshes

Vito Corleone:

Mr. Armstrong. How nice of you to drop in.

Dave Armstrong:

I didn’t know I had a choice.

Vito Corleone:

Yes, Tom can be very persuasive.

Dave Armstrong:

Why am I here?

Vito Corleone:

I asked Tom to bring you here so that we could have a friendly little chat concerning something you wrote about me.

Dave Armstrong:

What’s that?

Vito Corleone:

Tom tells me you’ve been calling me names.

Dave Armstrong:

What names?

Tom Hagen:

You called the Don a "clueless, ignorant, dense, know-nothing, slanderer, nitwit, imbecile desperate for attention, liar, and spewer of idiotic nonsense."

Dave Armstrong:

Tom lied to you by not telling the whole truth.

Vito Corleone:

How’s that?

Dave Armstrong:

He constructed a "citation" that never existed as presented, all together, making out as if the words as strung together in a patchwork, are literally a citation of mine: one paragraph, rather than a bunch of separate comments: each with a context.

Vito Corleone:

So you’re claiming that if you didn’t say it all at once, that makes it better?

Dave Armstrong:

That’s right. If I call you a nitwit one time, and an imbecile another time, that’s so much nicer than if I call you an imbecilic nitwit all at once. Not to mention the context.

Vito Corleone:

The context?

Dave Armstrong:

Yes, the context. Tom quoted me out of context.

Vito Corleone:

So when you put it in context, then calling me a "clueless, ignorant, dense, know-nothing, slanderer, nitwit, imbecile desperate for attention, liar, and spewer of idiotic nonsense” makes it better than if you call me a "clueless, ignorant, dense, know-nothing, slanderer, nitwit, imbecile desperate for attention, liar, and spewer of idiotic nonsense” out of context. Is that what you’re saying?

Dave Armstrong:

That’s right. Context makes all the difference.

Vito Corleone:

Would you care to explain to me how that makes a difference?

Dave Armstrong:

I’d love to, but since you’re a clueless, ignorant, dense, know-nothing, slanderer, nitwit, imbecile desperate for attention, liar, and spewer of idiotic nonsense, you wouldn’t understand.

Vito Corleone:

I see. Well, thank-you for your time. And thank you for helping to clear up this little misunderstanding. I’m so glad we were able to talk this over.

Dave Armstrong:

Can I use your phone to call a cab?

Vito Corleone:

Oh, that won’t be necessary. I wouldn’t think of making you pay for a cab. Having put you out, the least we can do is drive you back home. Isn’t that right, Tom?

Tom Hagen:

That’s right, boss.

Vito Corleone:

And since we’re all one big happy family, Michael, Pete, and Sonny will accompany you on the ride back.

Tom, make sure you show Mr. Armstrong that lovely view of the pier.

Tom Hagen:

Sure, boss. Will do.

3 comments:

  1. Heck, and I thought context mattered a great deal.

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  2. It does. If it's properly used :D I think the point is... it's not :D

    Context is not the magic disclaimer. It has meaning :D

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  3. This was probably the funniest post I've read in quite a long time, thanks.

    Not that it really matters, but my compilation DA "quote" is from the following aomin entry:

    http://www.aomin.org/aoblog/index.php?itemid=3217

    "But then, to make it all "Christian" Mr. Armstrong turns the other cheek and states, "Pray for this self-deluded person and all like him. They are in a very bad spiritual state, to keep doing these things. There's always hope, and they are fellow Christians, but they need much prayer. Ask the Blessed Virgin Mary in particular, to intercede on their behalf, and apply Lenten penances to their souls." Such is the world of conservative orthodox Catholic apologists like Dave Armstrong. How would Dave's prayer go? Based on Dave's comments, I've put together a prayer. Perhaps it could be something like, "Dear Mary, please help this clueless, ignorant, dense, know-nothing, slanderer, nit wit, anti-Catholic imbecile desperate for attention, liar, and spewer of idiotic nonsense stop quoting the notoriously liberal notes (with the Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur) for the NAB. Help him to see (and embrace), the true Catholic faith found in those sections of our Answer Bible that agree with what we deem correct by orthodox scholars and Catholic commentaries."

    ReplyDelete