Public service announcement

Now that we're back on Standard Time, citizens need to be in a state of high alert. Standard Time is the season for vampires. Rumor has it that affluent vamps bribed lawmakers to create Standard Time in the first place. If bears forage in spring and summer, then hibernate in winter, vamps hibernate in spring and summer, then forage in winter. When days are short and nights are long, that's hunting season for vamps. And Standard Time gives them an extra hour before they must take refuge in their sunless coffins. So be extra vigilant as we enter the most perilous time of year. If any of your "friends" complain about Daylight Savings Time, that's an ominous clue. Another telltale sign is if they're allergic to Italian cuisine with garlic. The clincher is when they don't appear in photographs.