1. Josh Harris made the announcement about no longer being a Christian after he made an announcement that he and his wife are "separating" from one another. Here he explicitly says it's a "divorce".
2. I don't know if any of this should be newsworthy apart from the fact that Josh Harris became popular in conservative evangelical circles after his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye (which I've never read), then a pastor at Sovereign Grace ministries from which he later resigned. Anyway, it just strikes me as the same old tale of an apostate who leaves Christianity to now defend secular values (e.g. LGBTQs). To be fair, perhaps Harris is backslidden rather than an apostate.
3. Note Josh Harris gives no substantial reasons why he left Christianity. Maybe that'll come later. However, notice he does focus on how he feels (e.g. "My heart is full of gratitude", "very much alive, and awake, and surprisingly hopeful"). I only point this out because there are Christians who might feel miserable as Christians, and who might feel much better if they left Christianity, but who nevertheless don't leave Christianity because they believe Christianity is true regardless of how they feel about Christianity or how Christianity makes them feel. In other words, feelings may or may not correspond to truth or reality. Regardless I'll await Harris' reasons why he left if he has any to offer.
4. All this is by way of setup to quote the following which is about the sexual purity culture in conservative evangelicalism (at least some of this presumably impinges on the Biblical courtship model too):
Sexual prosperity theology was supposed to combat the mainstream culture’s embrace of no-strings-attached sex and sex education in public schools. Purity culture arose in a time when the traditional sexual ethic looked increasingly prudish, unrealistic and kind of boring. Writers like Joshua Harris, Josh McDowell and Eric and Leslie Ludy held out the ultimate one-up to secular licentiousness: God wants to give you a hot spouse and great sex life, as long as you wait.The giveaway of any prosperity teaching is an “if/then” formula: If you do this, then you will get this. If you put a $100 bill in the offering plate, then you will get tenfold back. If you stay chaste now, then you will later be blessed by marriage and children.
Like all powerful myths, it offers the illusion of control in an unpredictable world. We are most tempted to adopt prosperity teachings for our greatest areas of vulnerability. This is why health and wealth teachings typically attract the financially struggling, and why the promise of sexual and marital fulfillment attracted so many sexually frustrated Christian teenagers...
Writing for Slate after Harris and Bonne made matching announcements of their split on their Instagram feeds, Ruth Graham noted that Harris’ separation is “a coda of sorts” to purity culture. “Living one’s entire life with another person is a complicated endeavor,” writes Graham. “As so many of Josh’s early readers have discovered on their own, there is no magic formula.”
Indeed, in the wake of the announcement, several Christians wrote to me with their stories of marital difficulty and heartache, even after having upheld the sexual prosperity gospel. Women wrote of enduring abusive marriages because they thought that was their “reward.” Men wrote about grappling with their spouses’ infidelity and divorce. Single Christians shared their stories of waiting, and waiting, and realizing that perhaps the reward for prolonged virginity would never come.
Mark Yarhouse, a psychologist and researcher who teaches at Wheaton College, offers sex therapy to couples. One couple came to him because the wife experienced pelvic pain penetration disorder and hadn’t been able to consummate the marriage several years in, despite the fact that the couple’s first kiss was at their wedding.
“Not being able to consummate their marriage was a source of both grief and also anger toward God,” Yarhouse told me. “She had to process assumptions she held that if she saved more for marriage, she would receive from God the blessing of a good sex life with her husband.”
When prosperity teachings fail to pan out, it not only puts the teaching in question, it also calls into question the very goodness and faithfulness of God.
Most of us will never know the details of Harris and Bonne’s separation. The fact that their marriage is ending is not an occasion to gloat. Nor does it suggest that chastity itself is bad.
But as a new generation of Christians works out a sexual ethic in the wake of purity culture, it’s worth recalling that formulas cannot shield us from the pain, frailty and disappointment of being human in a broken world. Sooner or later, life catches up with us, and we can either shake our fists at an unfair God, or recognize that God never promised fairness in the first place. It is we, not God, who come up with the formulas.
Where was that quote from Hawk?
ReplyDeleteIt's from here. I also put the link above, but it was only around a single word, so it was probably hard to see! Sorry.
DeleteAh I see. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read his previous statement that made no mention of departing from the faith, I assumed that that announcement was coming soon. It's a familiar pattern. Christianity won't let you replace the wife; to do that, it's first necessary to replace Christianity. (And anybody who says that men of Harris's age send away their wives without thought of the replacement, whether that replacement is yet identified or not, is inviting us to consider themself an idiot).
ReplyDeleteNow that this announcement specially highlights his change of views on human sexuality in general... well, this seems also a hint about what the next announcements might contain.
Such things make me examine my own heart. Is the love of Christ dwindling? Is the fear of my maker, and the perception of the authority of his Word, running low? May God have mercy on us.
Hi David,
DeleteWhile it's certainly possible that Harris is the one who wanted to replace his wife, I have to point out that in today's culture it's usually the opposite. I speak not just from personal experience (my now ex-wife informed me of the divorce when she said, "God told me to divorce you") but from looking at the statistics. More than 2/3s of divorces in America are initiated by the wife. I also read a book from a Christian counselor (sadly, I'll need to dig through my old books to locate the title and author) who said in his practice every single Christian divorce that was initiated from a non-Biblical reason was initiated by the woman. That, of course, is anecdotal, but again matches my experience and that of many people I've spoken to.
I have no idea what the case is with Harris. He could have gone on a similar trajectory as Derek Webb, who had an affair that led to his divorce before he left the faith, but Harris could have just had a wife who abandoned the marriage. This is typical for our culture, which treats all women like Disney princesses and all men like Harvey Weinstein, thus encouraging women to jettison the marriage for the barest of reasons (they deserve everything, after all).
Again, I don't know the details for Harris (and I really don't care in the end). But I do know how tempting it was for me to channel all my pain and anger for what my ex did to me toward God instead, and it's only because the grace of God has made it so I cannot rationally accept a universe without God and because I know that Christianity is the most rational and self-consistent version of theism possible, that I remained a Christian. And even now, I still struggle many days with whether or not I should even bother to pray when God didn't bother to answer my previous prayers, etc. I fully understand how simple it would be to say, "I have no desire to be in a worshipful relationship with God, so I guess I'm not a Christian now" if the darkness rose even a fraction higher.
My hope is that Harris is temporarily in such a dark place right now and that God will drag him, as painful as it may be, through that valley of the shadow of death and return him to a fuller faith. Again, he could have sinned a great deal up to and including destroying the marriage himself, but the odds are twice as likely that his wife was who did all of that. He's still responsible for abandoning the faith either way, but to say he is the one who sent his spouse away is an assumption that, barring any evidence, is contrary to 21st Century norms, so absent a confession (such as Derek Webb gave) that it was his behavior that caused it, I would withhold judgment.
I don't want to do analysis from afar, but I'm going to anyway.
DeleteIf I hear someone (anyone, not just Harris) walked away from the faith, my first thought is "around the time you started walking away/having doubts) did you or did you want to sleep with someone forbidden by Scripture?"
I believe the answer is usually going to be "yes."
And if I can go further down this road, I believe people who are mired in heterosexual sin want to go easy on LGBT sin. Why? Because they intuitively know that if LGBT are OK, they are OK because LBGT sexual sin is worse than than heterosexual sin.
geoffrobinson
Delete"If I hear someone (anyone, not just Harris) walked away from the faith, my first thought is "around the time you started walking away/having doubts) did you or did you want to sleep with someone forbidden by Scripture?""
David Anderson
"Now that this announcement specially highlights his change of views on human sexuality in general... well, this seems also a hint about what the next announcements might contain."
I think you guys could be right.
Also Peter brings up good points about the wife.
Anyway I suppose time will tell.
On a related topic... I did read Harris's book "I kissed dating goodbye" in the early 2005s, and so did my wife (we were already married - we were looking at books suitable for others thinking about these issues). Neither of us recognise the subsequent characterisation of it in subsequent years, in terms of "follow these rules during courtship, and everything will thereafter be great". (On the contrary, the follow up speaks about forgiveness and redemption in the context of his wife who was a fornicator in years prior to their courtship - this would make no sense if the book was as now described). I've never been to the US, so never read it in the context of some "purity movement". I can understand people who were sold it within the context of such a movement thinking of it negatively if they failed to reflect maturely afterwards, in the same way that some immature people abandon the faith because they don't manage to move past associating the Bible itself with a book of legalistic rules. Read Challies' reflexion on the book in 2014, before Harris repudiated it - https://www.challies.com/articles/the-bestsellers-i-kissed-dating-goodbye/ - to see how recently this "the book's core message was legalism" narrative has appeared.
ReplyDeleteSo, I thought it strange when Harris himself repudiated the book in recent years along similar lines. When I heard he'd left the ministry, again, as in my previous post, I thought "this is a familiar pattern in this fallen world - unless the Lord intervenes, this won't be the end of his journey." I don't claim any great insight here. As we know all too well, sin is very banal and predictable.
Thanks, David. On the contrary, I think you may have made some insightful comments! :) If your comment about his change of views regarding human sexuality proves true, then you'll have been especially perceptive, I think.
DeleteBy the way, reading between the lines (so I might be completely mistaken), it sounds like his wife may have likewise left or at least moved away from orthodox Christianity to a more liberal or progressive Christianity, though she's a bit cryptic about it so maybe not. Admittedly I don't know anything about him or his wife. I've never read or followed them or been influenced by them, though I think I recall his wife singing a Sovereign Grace song I enjoyed.
Well I knew something funny was going on if NPR was going to talk positively about him (didn't read the article, just saw a headline within the last few months).
ReplyDeleteLol, I guess media organizations like NPR are almost always "positive" when a conservative Christian leaves Christianity and/or conservativism! They're welcomed with open arms.
DeleteAt the same time, the same media organizations often seem to shame liberals who become conservatives or Christians. Well, unless they're super famous like Chris Pratt.
Of course, the mainstream media ain't "liberal" at all! /s
Harris gave a TED talk back in 2017. It was basically him admitting how wrong he was about his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
ReplyDeleteHe's a good public speaker. Doubtless that was honed and crafted when he was a pastor with Sovereign Grace. He'd make a good motivational speaker, though admittedly I've never thought highly of motivational speakers and they don't tend to motivate me.
Harris co-opts Christian categories (without saying so) for his own personal "journey", "growth", "transformation", etc. It's all about him. What's best for him. What lessons he needs to learn. What journey he is on.
He presents all this with a certain hipster charm (though I think it's a bit effeminate), but the idea itself seems deadly to live out. However, I guess, that's how he has lived it out, in light of his leaving Christianity. Presumably he thinks leaving Christianity is the right growth journey for him or something like that.
To be fair, I suspect Harris might have been like one of those child actors who became too famous too early in life. It went to his head. It overwhelmed him. He didn't know how to handle it all. I suppose there are shades of 1 Tim 3:6 in his early life.
However, a Christian can disavow a book he wrote at age 20 without disavowing Christ and Christianity. Too bad he has thrown out the baby with the bathwater.
I am wondering about whether this is part of a trend that I see. I used to attend a former Acts 29 church. When i first started attending 8 years ago the church was solid theologically, would discuss theological topics, sermons were solidly biblical etc (we had James N Anderson give lectures!). Oddly though, over the last few years political liberalism has seeped into the congregation, the church has began to move leftward in subtle ways. During this shift I noticed a marked reduction in theology talk, and more talk about “apologizing” to minorities (gays became a very important group to apologize to.). Many in the congregation also began to flirt with the idea that we need to be more “Inclusive” etc.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that if you think “inclusion” is an ultimate good, and many in our era do so, then it’s not a big step to say, “ if xtianity is against inclusion it’s false” people come to the reasonable conclusion that xtianity is not inclusive and walk away. Because of course God would be inclusive.
Sadly it often doesn't take much for a good church to start liberalizing. Some conservative evangelicals and Reformed people are already somewhat on the fence (e.g. Russell Moore with regard to masculinity, Matt Chandler calling Obama a "great man", John Piper's pacifistic tendencies).
DeleteI hadn't seen Steve's post when I first replied, but I think it's relevant (and good):
Deletehttps://triablogue.blogspot.com/2019/07/by-what-standard.html
Maybe it's time to read J. Gresham Machen's Christianity and Liberalism (again).
To be fair, I don't think I should've included Piper in the same category as the others. He's been around much longer and has done plenty of good work for God's kingdom. If anything, he's less of a cultural or social influence at this point. He's also a man of his generation rather than as familiar and conversant with the current generation as Moore and Chandler are. Piper's pacifism is still problematic, among other issues, but I don't think he faces the same liberalizing tendencies as the others do. Plus he's no longer pastor at his former church.
DeletePiper has gone from pastor to pasture.
DeletePeter,
ReplyDelete"More than 2/3s of divorces in America are initiated by the wife. I also read a book from a Christian counselor (sadly, I'll need to dig through my old books to locate the title and author) who said in his practice every single Christian divorce that was initiated from a non-Biblical reason was initiated by the woman. That, of course, is anecdotal, but again matches my experience and that of many people I've spoken to."
What do you think accounts for these statistics? Would your speculation be that it is grounded in some typically feminine quality? Maybe that men are typically 'less fussy' than women? Or that women typically take a broader approach to communication and, because of that, assume that men (who tend to focus on what is communicated in words) ought to be mind readers (in other words should be able to pick up on broader forms of communication) and it is a problem when they fail at that?